Friday, July 27, 2012

Pity Party: Table for One

Don't mind me, I'm just throwing myself a pity party.

I am sick of not feeling like I have the time, the space, or the money to invest in making my home prettier and more functional.  I hate that I feel like it's not worth it to do much, or that I'm restricted from doing much, because we're renting this apartment and will likely be moving soon.

I'm sick of having no space to put things away.  My counters are so cluttered, because my cupboards can't fit cereal boxes.  Then my kids are constantly getting into those things when I don't want them to.  My kitchen is hard to access, with a lot of cupboard space wasted in corners.  And my arms are short, so I can't reach up/back there to get stuff anyway.  I have started collecting craft supplies for different projects, but don't really have any good space to put them.  So they end up tucked in random boxes and bags, stuffed into odd corners in my bedroom or closets.  Then I can't find them later and either can't finish a project I wanted to, or have to buy more things.

I know a lot of my issues could be ameliorated by de-cluttering and purging.  But there is no space to do that!!  Maybe if I didn't have my kids for an entire week, I could get it done.  But I do have kids.  Three of them, in a two bedroom apartment.  THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.  There is no space for me to de-clutter without them getting into EVERYTHING and ruining any progress I am able to accomplish, most likely resulting in an even bigger mess than where I started.

I am sick of being poor.  I am sick of buying the cheap version, especially when I know it isn't as good of quality.  I am sick of not feeling much ownership over my space.  I am sick of being discontented and feeling so materialistic.  I desperately want my husband to get a new job, and not just a job, but a career.  I want all the benefits of that job: extra money for a nicer, bigger place to live; a minivan (mostly just to have a second car!!); health insurance for the whole family; opportunities for advancement; etc.  Haven't we paid our dues by now?  Can't we catch a break?!

I know I am richly blessed.  I know my problems are fairly minor ones, and ones that are likely to be resolved.  But right now, at this moment, I just need to wallow in my frustration.  I need to vent it so I can shake it off and move forward.

1 comment:

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