tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38368890289495624242024-03-05T05:31:27.035-08:00AimeelandWelcome to the ramblings, failings, sarcasm, little triumphs and everyday goings-on of my little life.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-73429955749351866572012-07-27T00:39:00.001-07:002012-07-27T00:39:03.750-07:00Pity Party: Table for OneDon't mind me, I'm just throwing myself a pity party. <br />
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I am sick of not feeling like I have the time, the space, or the money to invest in making my home prettier and more functional. I hate that I feel like it's not worth it to do much, or that I'm restricted from doing much, because we're renting this apartment and will likely be moving soon.<br />
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I'm sick of having no space to put things away. My counters are so cluttered, because my cupboards can't fit cereal boxes. Then my kids are constantly getting into those things when I don't want them to. My kitchen is hard to access, with a lot of cupboard space wasted in corners. And my arms are short, so I can't reach up/back there to get stuff anyway. I have started collecting craft supplies for different projects, but don't really have any good space to put them. So they end up tucked in random boxes and bags, stuffed into odd corners in my bedroom or closets. Then I can't find them later and either can't finish a project I wanted to, or have to buy more things. <br />
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I know a lot of my issues could be ameliorated by de-cluttering and purging. But there is no space to do that!! Maybe if I didn't have my kids for an entire week, I could get it done. But I do have kids. Three of them, in a two bedroom apartment. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. There is no space for me to de-clutter without them getting into EVERYTHING and ruining any progress I am able to accomplish, most likely resulting in an even bigger mess than where I started. <br />
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I am sick of being poor. I am sick of buying the cheap version, especially when I know it isn't as good of quality. I am sick of not feeling much ownership over my space. I am sick of being discontented and feeling so materialistic. I desperately want my husband to get a new job, and not just a job, but a career. I want all the benefits of that job: extra money for a nicer, bigger place to live; a minivan (mostly just to have a second car!!); health insurance for the whole family; opportunities for advancement; etc. Haven't we paid our dues by now? Can't we catch a break?!<br />
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I know I am richly blessed. I know my problems are fairly minor ones, and ones that are likely to be resolved. But right now, at this moment, I just need to wallow in my frustration. I need to vent it so I can shake it off and move forward.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-36880549461149967052012-05-24T11:41:00.001-07:002012-05-24T11:41:35.675-07:00Not Many Answers, Just Feelings and QuestionsDo you ever feel better after you find out some bad news? There's been some drama among a group of friends of mine, hurt feelings and lashing out on several sides. It's been on my mind all week and I've been worried about everyone involved. I didn't think I was very involved in the situation, but I found out that there's been some harsh talk about me going around. I was a little surprised with myself with my reaction. I wasn't surprised and it didn't really bother me as much as I thought it would. A couple years ago I would have been crushed and become obsessed with wanting to know every detail and intent on fixing it all. But I've come to a rather zen conclusion about it: it's not really about me, I am just an easy target in this situation. And that's okay with me. I can understand why people may take issue with certain parts of my personality and demeanor, despite my intentions being different from perception. But it's who I am, and I know I am not doing these things in a malicious way, intending to cause harm. I am okay with how I've chosen to present myself and my opinions, and if someone else has taken offense and chooses not to address it directly with me, that's on them. I would welcome that conversation, but I am not going to seek it out either, because again, I don't think it's truly about me. <br /><br />I felt more settled after I heard about it. I hadn't been sure of where I stood with certain people, what they thought of me, how they perceived me, and I had been conflicted over how to approach them. But with this information, I know better where I stand and what would or would not be helpful. That gave me an enormous sense of peace. I realized my gut had been telling me to hold back for a reason, and I was so grateful I listened to it. I know that the person(s) involved are in a really hurt place right now. They are not lashing out from a whole, healthy place. If hating on me is helping them get through it, I am willing to take it. If I can't help by being a friend, I'm willing to help by being a target. I am a big girl and can handle it. I feel confident in who I am and what I've said or done, regardless of what may be said. Someone else's opinion isn't going to change that or my relationship/standing with my Heavenly Father. My family and friends who truly know me, still love and stand by me. <br />
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At the moment, the harsh words are staying fairly private and I'm not being condemned in the general public. As long as things stay that way, I'm okay with it. If things change and harassment or libel ensues, then my tune will change. But I don't anticipate that so for now, I'm fine. I won't say it doesn't hurt, it totally does! I thought we were close friends and there was mutual affection. I don't like the idea of someone feeling that harshly towards me or saying harsh things about me. I wish it weren't happening. <br /><br />And I am totally cognizant that this post merely existing seems at odds with the ideas I've explored here. For repeatedly saying "this isn't about me", this post contains an awful lot of "me" and "I". But this is my blog, where I talk about my experiences. So while I believe the harsh stuff going on isn't truly about me, my tangential experience is. I also am aware that I mentioned how I wish those who dislike me would have approached me directly rather than lashing out behind my back, and this post seems to be doing the same thing. I don't know that I have a strong answer for that. I do believe that intention makes a difference. My purpose in this post is just to explore my own feelings, I haven't condemned anyone's character, I've tried not to make any value judgements, and I'm trying to keep the focus on my perception and my reaction. I imagine what's being said about me is being said in a venting tone and not truly intended to harm me. I am sure it wasn't intended to ever come to my knowledge (and I don't have any specifics, just know that it's going on). The reason I am not approaching the person(s) directly is because I don't believe it will help anything and I'm only interested in exploring it with them, if it will truly help rebuild our relationship. I don't know that they are interested in doing that right now; which is probably why they haven't approached me and that's okay with me too. I wish it was different, but considering where I imagine they are coming from, I can see why it's playing out the way it is. <br />
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The whole situation, from the initial fight between other people, to hearing about the talk about me, has brought up some really complex questions for me. When do you let someone vent and when do you try to stand up for what they are railing against? How do you make the decision about whether it is helpful or not? How do you validate someone's feelings and be supportive when you don't agree with what they are saying? Is it ever okay to give out information that was given in confidence? <b>Where is the line between letting someone vent about another person, giving information, and gossiping? Is there even a line? Does intention matter? </b>I don't really have any good answers for any of these. <br /><br />All in all, I am at peace with the whole thing, or at least my part in it. I am hurting for myself and my friends, but I am not angry or lashing out because of it. My hope and prayer is that with time, all parties are able to reach out and rebuild the relationships and trust. I'm not sure if this is just part of the normal ebb and flow of relationships or if this will end up changing our lives forever and the friendships will never come back. I just know that I am going to just wait and see. I have my dream of how to it will turn out, but it's not up to me. It's up to others and I wish them peace, comfort, and love on their journeys.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-83850701929542397362012-05-14T23:45:00.000-07:002012-05-14T23:45:04.951-07:00Mothers Day Talk<br />
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This year I was asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting on Mothers Day. I had several reactions to it within a short amount of time. First there was "Ugh, seriously?! I have to work on Mothers Day?" then "Good, after my rant last year, better I get to do it this year, so I know it will be done right," (humble, I know), then "I don't even get to be with my kids on Mothers Day? Whine!" then "Wait!! That means I will actually get to listen to the talks and not have to be dealing with noisy, cranky children." I went through all of those thoughts in about 3 seconds. ;-) I agreed to give the talk and then when I got my topic I was excited as well. The topic was "Example of righteous mothers in the scriptures". I thought this was a simple and good way to approach Mothers Day in the church. </div>
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I didn't stress much about it during the week, because I knew I would just be telling stories and I would be one of three speakers, so if I ran short, it would be someone else's problem to fill the time. Then it came to Saturday, the day before I was to speak, and I hadn't done anything about the talk. Shoot. I had compiled my own list of mothers in the scriptures and I started looking up the scriptures about them. It turned out there was remarkably little information about these women! It was hard to glean much from the stories, but I did what I could. I was helped out immensely by a friend who spoke in her ward last year on Mothers Day and had saved her talk. She generously offered me any part of it to use, and I ended up using some of it. I had been pretty sure the talk wouldn't be very long but figured oh well, that's the closing speaker's problem. When I got to church, I saw in the program that there was no youth speaker, just me, the Primary children singing, and the closing speaker. Uh oh. But when I actually got up to speak, it ended up taking longer than I originally thought. It ended up being a nice talk. I enjoyed preparing for it and delivering it (once I stopped my nervous hand wringing ;-)). I am glad I was asked to give it. Here is the text of it, for those who want to read it.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Good
morning and Happy Mothers Day. What wonderful beings mothers are. I
know we have all felt the influence of righteous mothers in our
lives, whether they are our own mothers or those who has exerted a
motherly influence upon us. I personally feel blessed and privileged
to have had many examples of beautiful mothering in my life. I
especially delight in reading about mothers in the scriptures and
learning about their trials of faith and how they rose to the
challenges given to them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">In
the Old Testament, </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Hannah</b></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">
was a righteous woman. She wanted to be a mother very intensely.
She went to the temple, year after year, praying to be given a child.
One particular time, she was pouring her heart out to the Lord,
weeping and begging. She was covenanting that if she could be given
a child, she would raise that child in righteousness, teaching him
all that she could, and would dedicate his life to the Lord. The
high priest, Eli, saw her, and after an initial misunderstanding,
told her that she would be given her heart's desire and would bear a
child. Hannah conceived and bore Samuel and for the first few years
of his life, she raised him just as she promised. Then it came time
for Samuel to dedicate his whole life to the Lord. Hannah brought
him back to the temple and gave him to Eli, the same high priest who
had promised her this child years before. Eli taught and trained
Samuel in the ways of the Lord. Samuel went on to become an
important prophet. His mother Hannah returned home and bore more
children. Throughout her trials, she remained faithful to the Lord,
continually asking for his help and trusting that he would answer her
prayers. As she was letting him go to a life of service to the Lord,
Hannah was joyful and grateful, </span><span style="color: #2f393a;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">1
Samuel 2:1-2</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>1
And Hannah prayed, and said, My heart rejoiceth in the Lord, mine
horn in exalted in the Lord: my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies;
because I rejoice in thy salvation.</i></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">2
There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside thee:
neither is there any rock like our God.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Another example in the scriptures is found in Judges chapeters 4 and 5 where we read about a judge in Israel, <b>Deborah</b>, who is the first woman to have been called a "mother in Israel."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Deborah had many roles. She was a poet, Prophetess, Judge, and Leader of military action. As a prophetess and judge, she received instruction from God that Barak should raise an Israelite army and move against the Canaanites who held them captive. Even after Deborah assured Barak that God would deliver the leader of the opposing army into their hands, Barak insisted that he would not go to war unless Deborah accompanied him. Barak lead the army; Deborah, in her role as prophetess and judge, led Barak, making possible through revelation, his military victory.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">While Barak's army, with God's divine assistance, defeated the much more powerful Canaanite army, Deborah advised him that "the Lord shall sell Sisera [the leader of the Canaanite army] into the hand of a woman." True to this prophecy, Sisera fled sure destruction on the battle field and took refuge in the tent of Jael, the wife of an Arab chief allied with the Israelites. Having made Sisera comfortable and promised to hide him, Jael waited for him to sleep and then killed him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">After the Israelites' victory over the Canaanites, Deborah sings in praise of God that "the inhabitants of the villages ceased, they ceased in Israel, until that I Deborah arose, that I arose a mother in Israel." How is it that she arose "a mother in Israel" as she first revealed Gods plan and then accompanied the army into battle as it fulfilled God's plan? At the end of her song of praise, Deborah sings: "So let all thine enemies perish O Lord; but let them that love him be as the sun when he goeth forth in his might. And the land had rest forty years." Deborah's efforts, Jael's actions, and the Israelites' obedience to God's commands resulted in forty years of peace. While we do not know if Deborah actually had children, her righteousness fostered the spiritual life of her community.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><b>Rebekah</b>, who eventually became the wife of Isaac and the mother Jacob and Esau, is an example of a woman who exercised charity. In the normal pattern of her daily tasks, she was kind to Abraham's servant who was visiting her village on the dramatic mission to secure a wife for Isaac.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">The Lord knew Rebekah's heart; he knew how she would respond when she observed a need. He answered the servant's prayer that the young woman who was to become Isaac's wife would offer him water.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">In Genesis 24:15 we read, "Behold, Rebekah came out...with her pitcher upon her shoulder" and went down to the well. The servant asked for a drink. Whole family trees hung in the balance of her answer.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">In verses 18-20:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><i>18 And she said, drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher up on her hand, and gave him drink.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><i>19 And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for their camels also, until they have done drinking.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><i>20 And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Her brother Laban invited him to lodge, and not until the servant was introduced did she discover he was the servant of her uncle. Her charitable response to this stranger was automatic. She did not stop to think, I am giving service, nor did she consider the station of the one in need. She hastened to serve water--even to camels.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Respectfully, she offered an act of service, a simple one, and from that act was born a family of great influence for whole dispensations. Rebekah loved with worthiness and willingness as a daughter of God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Elisabeth</b></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">
was righteous before God, “walking in all the commandments and
ordinances”. She and her husband Zacharias followed the Lord and
obeyed his word. They didn't have children and in their old age,
Zacharias served as a high priest in the temple. One day the angel
Gabriel appeared to him, prophesying that Elisabeth would conceive
and bare a son and his name would be John. Zacharias was incredulous
that such a thing could come to pass because of their advanced age.
The angel rebuked him and struck him dumb. When he returned home,
Elisabeth did conceive and was 6 months pregnant when her young
cousin Mary came to visit. As the cousins embraced upon Mary's
arrival, the baby in Elisabeth's womb leaped with joy and Elisabeth
was filled with the Spirit. Mary stayed with her for a few months
before journeying home right before Elisabeth gave birth. The baby
boy arrived and his parents named him John, fulfilling the angel's
prophesy and restoring Zacharias' powers of speech. That baby boy
grew up to become John the Baptist. Because of his parents' loving
guidance and teaching, he was able to teach and prepare the way for
his cousin Jesus Christ, eventually baptizing the Savior. </span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Mary</b></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">
was a pure and clean. She was a precious daughter of our Heavenly
Father and one he trusted with the ultimate calling, to be the mother
of Christ. In Luke 1:28-38, the angel Gabriel appeared to her and
said: </span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>28
And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly
favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>29
And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her
mind what manner of salutation this should be.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>30
And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found
favour with God. </i></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>31
And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son,
and shalt call his name JESUS.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>32
He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and
the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>33
And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his
kingdom there shall be no end.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>34
Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a
man?<br />35 And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost
shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow
thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee
shall be called the Son of God.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>36
And, behold, the cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in
her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called
barren.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>37
For with God, nothing shall be impossible.</i></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">38
And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me
according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.</span></i></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><br />She
carried and bore the Only Begotten Son of our Heavenly Father. She
loved him, raised him, guided him. At the end of his life, she was
still there, caring for him. As he hung on the cross, he asked his
disciples to take care of his mother. I think that may be one of the
most beautiful tributes to motherhood. What better expression of
love, than that of concern for his mother, while he was suffering and
dying himself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sariah</b></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">
is one of the mothers we get to know the most in the scriptures. She
is Lehi's wife and Nephi's mother. She is asked to give up her
comfortable life and home in Jerusalem and venture into the
wilderness with her husband and four sons, based on a dream. That's
a lot to ask. But she did it, because of the faith she had in her
husband and the Lord. They traveled in the wilderness for three days
before Lehi informs them the boys need to return to Jerusalem to get
the brass plates, the sacred records of their family and the gospel.
Her sons are gone for a long time, on a dangerous errand. Sariah
begins to murmur and complain against her husband, because she
figures her sons have been killed and it's all Lehi's fault. </span>
</div>
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<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">1
Nephi 5:2-9 reads:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>2
For she had supposed the we had perished in the wilderness; and she
also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a
visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of
our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the
wilderness.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>3
And after this manner of language has my mother complained against my
father.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>4
And it had come to pass that my father spake unto her, saying: I know
that I am a visionary man; for if I had not seen the things of God in
a vision I should not have known the goodness of God, but had tarried
at Jerusalem, and had perished with my brethren.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>5
But behold, I have obtained a land of promise, in the which things I
do rejoice; yea, and I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of
the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the
wilderness.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>6
And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, comfort my
mother, Sariah, concerning us while we journeyed in the wilderness up
to the land of Jerusalem, to obtain the record of the Jews.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>7
And when we had returned to the tent of my father, behold their joy
was full, and my mother was comforted.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>8
And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath
commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also
know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered
them out of the hands of Laban, and given them powers whereby they
could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And
after this manner of language did she speak.</i></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">9
And it came to pass that they did rejoice exceedingly, and did offer
sacrifice and burnt offerings unto the Lord; and they gave thanks
unto the God of Israel.</span></i></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><br />Sariah
faltered in her faith temporarily, but after being comforted tenderly
by her husband, she is bolstered up and renews her faith and
commitment to the gospel. The strength of her testimony increases
greatly and she changes from just believing to knowing. And with
that greater knowledge, also comes humility and gratitude as they
offer sacrifices unto the Lord.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Later
in the Book of Mormon, Helaman was fighting a war and had an army of
2,000 brave warriors. They were young and had no experience as
soldiers, but they wanted to defend their people and had faith in
Heavenly Father. During a fierce battle, some of them were wounded,
but not a single one died. All 2,000 were preserved and saved,
through the grace of God. Helaman called these young men his sons.
He was amazed, impressed, and incredibly heartened to hear them show
their faith. </span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Alma
56: 46-48 reads:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>46
For as I had ever called them my sons (for they were all of them very
young) even so they said unto me: Father, behold our God is with us,
and he will not suffer that we should fall; then let us go forth; we
would not slay our brethren if they would let us alone; therefore let
us go, lest they should overpower the army of Antipus.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>47
Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did
think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their
lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did
not doubt, God would deliver them.</i></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">48
And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do
not doubt our mothers knew it.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">They
did not doubt </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>their
mothers</b></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">
knew it. Their mothers had taught them from their youth to believe
in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Their mothers showed an amazing
example, through words and actions. We don't learn of these mothers
by name, we don't know all the details of how they raised their sons,
but the important part comes through. Look at the effect these
mothers had on their young children. Their sons had no doubt, just
utter faith and peace that the Lord would take care of them. </span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Eve</b></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">
is the mother of all living. She was the first mother on this earth.
After the Fall, she worked, struggled, and suffered to return to our
Heavenly Father. She made new covenants with him and obeyed his
commandments. She taught her children what they should do. I am
sure she was grieved when they disobeyed and gloried and praised when
they followed her teachings. To me, she is the ultimate example of
someone who made a grievous mistake but then spent the rest of her
life making sure to obey and teach others. Eve certainly did not
shirk her duty. </span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">In
Moses 5:11-12 we learn:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>11
And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were
it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never
should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and
the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>12
And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things
known unto their sons and their daughters.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">Motherhood
is certainly no easy task; but the fruits of the labor are worth it.
The influence of righteous mothering can be felt not just for years,
but for generations. The exact means through which that influence is
exerted varies from woman to woman. We each have a different lot in
life, regardless of the number of children we bear, whether none or
many, we can all have a motherly influence on those around us. We
can be strong examples of righteousness and uphold the
responsibilities given to us by the Lord. </span>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">I
bear my testimony that the Lord knows and loves each one of us,
individually and deeply. He has set up this life, with the exact
trials and opportunities we need to grow to our greatest potential.
We absolutely have the choice of how to deal with those
opportunities, but I know that no matter what is given to us, we can
always learn from it. As we strive to live the commandments, we will
grow closer to him. We will see miracles wrought before us. I say
these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.</span></div>
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<br />~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-59239780946875631932011-11-10T00:22:00.000-08:002011-11-10T21:18:17.292-08:00Nittany Lions? More like cowardly lions.<div style="text-align: left;">
I heard about a <a href="http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/Penn-State-sex-abuse-case-timeline-of-key-dates-Jerry-Sandusky-110711" target="_blank">news story</a> Tuesday that really really disturbed me. It's still a developing story but based on what I have learned I'm pretty freaking angry about what happened. You might want to check out <a href="http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/7211571/graham-spanier-joe-paterno-jerry-sandusky-gary-schultz-tim-curley" target="_blank">this link</a> first to familiarize yourself with who are the key players in this story. There are several details that have not been explained, <a href="http://www.timesonline.com/columnists/sports/mark_madden/madden-sandusky-a-state-secret/article_863d3c82-5e6f-11e0-9ae5-001a4bcf6878.html" target="_blank">many questions that need to be answered</a>, and if they are later revealed, I will be happy to revise my opinions based on the new information. Let me get this out of the way first and foremost: if these allegations are true (and currently, I am inclined to believe they are) the core of the fault lies with Jerry Sandusky. He was the perpetrator of these crimes and deserves all the punishment the law can give him. He was absolutely in the wrong, these were evil acts, and should be condemned most vociferously. But my purpose here is to focus on the surrounding players in this tragic saga.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I am so bothered by the <i>lack</i> of action by so many people, mostly university officials. I have a hard time believing that a man with 40 criminal counts against him, including serial sexual abuse of children, fooled everyone for all those years. People had to have picked up on something being off about him, both at the university and those involved with his charity, The Second Mile, probably others as well. Not to mention, there were at least two instances where individuals witnessed crimes and reported them to others, so some people had the idea in their heads that he might be capable of these acts.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
I hate that four different people saw a young boy being attacked by a grown man and did nothing in that moment. <b>NOTHING</b>. They couldn't even muster calling out "Hey! What's going on here?" let alone physically getting involved and stopping the assault? That is the first failure. In that moment, they should have done <i>something</i> to help the boys and stop the abuse. Then moving on, they take the time to consult other, uninvolved people? They didn't call the police right off the bat? Or even in the least, report it to a university official immediately so that the police could be contacted ASAP? In one instance, the janitor told several co-workers and his supervisor, who gave him the information about who to report it to, but he never did make the official report. It was important enough to talk to a supervisor about, but he couldn't be bothered to tell the official? And in another, the grad assistant, Mike McQueary, called his dad and waited a whole day to talk to Joe Paterno? He didn't immediately go to Paterno and say, "I witnessed this crime. It needs to be reported to the police and I am going to make sure that happens. You can either come with me or you can ignore it, but I am taking responsibility for notifying the university and the police." Or something like that. I am okay with him notifying his superiors (and Sandusky's superiors) at the university, but he needed to take ownership of notifying the police. He was the witness, he needed to make the report. If there were university policies in place that were set up so that he couldn't report it directly, then Penn State needs to seriously examine them and truly re-evaluate whether they are correct and moral.</div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>No football team, player, coach, or university's reputation is worth a child's life being destroyed.</b> Self-preservation is an instinct, but we have high-functioning brains that should allow us, nay should compel us, to overcome the desire to place our careers or comfortable lives above a child's welfare.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So now, the assault has been reported to Joe Paterno, venerable, beloved coach who has emphasized </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Success with Honor" for years, and what does he do? He simply calls the athletic director and leaves it there. He doesn't try to follow up? He doesn't give the AD the same speech that I wish McQueary had given him? Did he even encourage the grad assistant to go to the police? Or did he tell him to hush up and wait to be contacted? To not risk Penn State and Paterno's reputations by breathing a word of it to anyone? Is it possible McQueary was threatened, either explicitly or implied, to leave it alone or risk ruining his career and his own reputation? Did Paterno even recognize that a terrible crime had been committed, on Penn State property, or did he only see warning lights flash in his head and do the least he was obligated to do out of a misguided effort to guard his legacy? Or conversely, was McQueary offered, again either outright or through implication, a more secure career, a speedier trajectory up the ranks, if he was quiet? (Not punishment for speaking out, but reward for not.) How did McQueary continue to work there, knowing Sandusky was still around and nothing ever came of his report? What does that say about his moral character?</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
From what I have read, Paterno fulfilled his legal obligation. Fine, I accept that he has and is not guilty of a crime. But his lack of follow up, his lack of seeking out the truth, his utter lack of getting the hell rid of Sandusky, kicking him off the campus is so appalling. It seems clear to me that he placed his foo<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">tball program's reputation above children's safety. From what <a href="http://www.timesonline.com/columnists/sports/mark_madden/madden-sandusky-a-state-secret/article_863d3c82-5e6f-11e0-9ae5-001a4bcf6878.html" target="_blank">Mark Madden</a> of Beaver County Times said, "Did Penn State not make an issue of Sandusky's alleged behavior in 1998 in exchange for him walking away from the program.... Did Penn State's considerable influence help get Sandusky off the hook? Don't kid yourself. That could happen. Don't underestimate the power of Paterno and Penn State in central Pennsylvania when it comes to politicians, the police and the media." How scary is it that the police, the very people we trust to serve and protect us, can be pushed around and influenced by a <i>football program</i>? Paterno may have fulfilled his legal obligation, but he came nowhere close to doing his moral duty. Once an eyewitness came to him, explaining what he had seen, Paterno should have made sure an full investigation was done and that the truth was found out. He should have had that goal and pursued it, even if only for peace of mind. If the allegations brought by McQueary were false, why would you want him to continue working for you? If they were true, why would you want to continue any sort of affiliation with Sandusky, let alone granting him access to the campus facilities where these crimes were perpetrated?! No matter what the truth was, something was wrong here, and Paterno should have wanted to find it out and take the necessary actions.</span></div>
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Once the report was made from Paterno to the Athletic Director, again, why weren't the police called? I don't see how in this type of circumstance the university can think it has the resources, biased or not, to conduct a fair and thorough investigation of this magnitude. These were <b>crimes</b>. Not NCAA violations that may result in fines or suspensions. Crimes. Violations of state laws, punishable by lengthy prison sentences. Those laws are enforced by the police, violations thereof are investigated by the police. Now several Penn State officials are facing criminal charges of their own, not just for failing to report the abuse, but some are facing perjury charges as well. They are accused of lying to the grand jury. I'm just venturing a guess here, but I doubt they were lying in order to make Sandusky look worse.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I was watching an program on ESPN Wednesday afternoon (I believe it was NFL Live) where two former </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">N</span>FL players were commenting on the story, by having the question "Should Joe Paterno coach this Saturday?" posed to them. (This was prior to Paterno's firing, but after his announcement of retirement.) Marcellus Wiley answered first, saying yes he should coach, and then went on to liken this 'scandal' to teammates who "have indiscretions off the field" and how it was important to support them during difficult times like that. Mark Schlereth said no, absolutely not, even went as far to say that Penn State should not even play on Saturday. I was taken aback by that, but also very impressed. I don't know that Penn State shouldn't play, but I agreed that Paterno should not coach and when I heard about the firing later in the day I felt it was the right call to make. But seriously, Marcellus, these accusations are not of mere 'indiscretions'. The rape of a child is not the same as getting caught with a bag of weed or a hooker or even just having an affair. This was not a mistake made in the heat of the moment, like slapping your spouse in the middle of a furious argument. These are severe crimes against children. This is not a time to circle the wagons and offer your support. This is a time to bring the truth to light and if crimes were committed, you need to stand with the victims, stand with the right, not give 'support' to the perpetrator.</div>
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When stories like this come to public knowledge, you hear this line a lot, "Nobody knows what they would do in that situation." What a pathetic excuse. You see a crime, an sexual attack, being committed against a child, by an 55+ year old man, and you, a strong 28 year old football player/coach can't do anything about it?! Here is what I think every responsible, moral person person should do for themselves. As a youth, I was taught in my church classes to decide now what I would do in a given situation; if I was asked to do something that I knew was against my values. By thinking about it and deciding my answer ahead of time, I would be prepared when/if that situation came upon me and not have to think about it in the moment. I challenge everyone sit down and think about what you would do if you witnessed such a crime. Decide now that you would do something to stop it, in that moment, and that you would report it to the police as soon as you could. Then if, heaven forbid, you come upon such a situation, you can just act and do the right thing.</div>
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This whole situation is infuriating to me. I am appalled that so many individuals thought of themselves first, and due to their lack of action, more young boys were attacked and abused. I can't believe Sandusky was still allowed access to Penn State facilities even after accusations had been reported to school officials. I am glad that those in power who failed to report these crimes are being fired from their jobs and facing criminal charges. I don't understand why students are protesting Paterno's dismissal, and why in heaven's name they think destruction is the way to get their message across. It is beyond disturbing that the image and reputation of a university and it's football program were consistently placed above the welfare and needs of children. These were major moral lapses by so many people and, while I wholeheartedly believe in repentance and forgiveness, I hope they are now suffering major guilt and will forever try to repair the damage they allowed to happen. This series of crimes could have been stopped several times, victims could have been saved, and for that to have not happened is a tragedy in and of itself.</div>
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<i style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>As this story develops, I am reading more articles about it. I encourage you to read <a href="http://espn.go.com/espn/commentary/story/_/page/hill-111109/penn-state-not-allow-joe-paterno-retire-terms" target="_blank">this one</a> by Jemele Hill and <a href="http://espn.go.com/espn/commentary/story/_/id/7208029/penn-state-joe-paterno-failure-power" target="_blank">this one</a> by Howard Bryant. If I have any of my facts wrong, please let me know (include sources). I want to be completely accurate.</i></i></div>
<br />~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-5210748134593103052011-09-13T13:43:00.000-07:002011-09-13T13:43:04.628-07:0010 years ago...I have been meaning to sit down and write this out for 10 years and I am finally doing it today. On September 11th, 2001, I was 17 years old and had just started my senior year of high school. It was the first week of seminary and that's where I was that morning. I remember Neal coming in late and announcing to the class that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York. I only had a vague idea of what the Twin Towers and World Trade Center were. When I heard a plane had crashed into one of them, I assumed it was a small, private plane and it was an accident. I left seminary about 15 minutes early because I had to go to a Key Club meeting before school. My sister and I were in the car, listening to Jackie and Bender's morning show, and they were very uncharacteristically somber and sedated. It caught our attention immediately and we listened closer to what they were saying. That's when we found out a second plane had hit the other Tower. For me, and I'm sure for everyone, that was when it sunk in that this was no accident. They were even saying there were reports that these were jumbo jets, not small private aircraft. That was even scarier. <br />
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Once I was at school, I went to the library for the meeting. All of us waiting for it to start were milling around, nervously discussing what was going on, trying to get information. I can't remember if there was a sign or someone told us, but our Key Club meeting was cancelled because all of the teachers were in an emergency meeting before school started. My friend Kristen was there with me and we clung to each other, both pretty freaked out by the little information we had. We started to gather in our classrooms and watch TV while waiting for the teachers. I had math for 1st period and we were all in there when our teacher finally showed up. I remember that teacher as being the most monotone, boring teacher I ever had. But that day, I saw him choked up and struggling to speak to us as he turned off the TV and told us we were going to continue on with normal class. There was some protest and groaning, but we made it through the class. <br />
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My second period was Women's Choir. I rushed there, both to find more information and because my best friend Ashley was in that class with me. It being a Women's Choir and the very beginning of school, our teacher Ms. Hitt let us girls watch the news coverage. That was when we found out about the Pentagon crash and the collapse of the towers. It was a punch to the gut to realize that it <b>just kept getting worse</b>. We sat around in horror, some of us crying, not knowing where it was going to end. After choir, it was Yearbook with my other best friend Regan. Mr. McKinney let us watch as well and that was when the plane crash in Pennsylvania was reported and we learned about all the flights in the US being grounded. At this point, I felt so out of control. It felt like every time we turned on the TV something more had happened. It had obviously occurred in more than one place, so I was envisioning attacks continuing in a wave across the country from the East Coast to the West Coast. I didn't think Seattle was a super likely target, but if the day had taught me anything, it was that anything could happen. My dad worked at Boeing's Everett headquarters. I remember taking a tour of Boeing years before being told that they had bomb shelters and such because they had been a target during World War 2 (because they designed and manufactured military planes). This kept nagging at me, so I finally called my dad at work and told him I wanted him to go home. He told me I didn't need to worry, that nothing was going to happen to him. He kind of brushed off my concerns, but at the same time, my dad was telling me it would be okay, so I had to trust that. During that class, things finally slowed down and started sinking in. <br />
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The rest of the day, I don't remember in vivid detail. I do know that we didn't have the TV on during 4th period, which was my 'block' class (English & Government). I went home for awhile, and then we ended up going over to my dad's house. I remember watching the coverage with him and that was the first time I heard the names Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and Moammar Gadhafi. It took me a couple days to remember how to say them and sort them out in my head. I watched the footage of the second plane hitting Tower 2, and the towers collapsing so many times and even now, the emotional reaction is no less gut-wrenching. It was the first time I really started paying more attention to international affairs, national security and politics. In that day, I was thrust from the safe, secure idyll of childhood into a new, harsh, scary reality of adulthood. <br />
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School went on, I remember having moments of silence over the next few days. There was a girl in one of my classes who had family in New York that she hadn't heard from and she was obviously very worried and upset. But I think that was the closest I got to anyone directly involved. My dad was supposed to go on a business trip later that month to Montreal but it was cancelled. <br />
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Three months after the attacks, my dad took my brother, sister and me to Connecticut to visit his sister & her family for Christmas. It was the first time we'd be flying after the attacks and the heightened security. I had had jaw surgery in August of the year and had 24 metal screws put in my jaws. I remember thinking that I might set off the metal detectors with all of the metal now in my face, in addition to my braces. I even thought about bringing along my x-ray, showing the screws. It ended up not being an issue, and I made it through just fine. On that trip, we went to New York three times. One of those days, we went to Ground Zero. I remember the smell. I knew the smell would stick with me for the rest of my life. You could see ash and dust and scorch marks on the buildings around Ground Zero. It was so surreal. I couldn't and still can't comprehend what had happened right there where I stood just three and half months earlier. We couldn't see too much, but a lot of the debris had been cleared and there were these big fences with green tarps around the holes left by the towers. There was a hushed reverence there that I'll always remember.<br />
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The events of 9/11 were a foreboding start to what turned out to be a very dramatic year; it felt like we were mourning all year. It was also the start to my adult life. A big part of the rest of my life, and now my children's lives, have been shaped because of that one day. I wonder what my children will think about it and what they will ask me. That was my main reason for writing this down. I want them to know about that day, not only the facts, but the feelings and experiences of their mother. I lived that day and this is what is was for me.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-35620930747442951792011-09-10T16:19:00.000-07:002011-09-10T16:19:22.753-07:00Revamp!I'm trying to revamp my blog a little and make it more exciting, more functional, more informational. Thus far, I mostly just write about random stuff, whenever I want to. I don't know if very many people read this, so if you do, comment and let me know! Also, tell me what you would like to see from me, both general content (like, what do you want to know about me in an "About Me" page) and specific topics for posts. I mostly write this for myself, but I'd like to be interesting for my readers as well. :-)~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-33136546912351859412011-05-09T11:33:00.000-07:002011-05-09T11:33:55.608-07:00Happy Mothers Day?Mothers Day is a day sure to elicit strong emotions from everyone. Each person has their own opinions on what is appropriate and who should be celebrated on this day. I've had some rather interesting conversations about this lately, especially about how it should be celebrated at and in the context of our Church. I thought I might put my own thoughts and feelings down.<br />
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I think the conflict in celebrating Mothers Day comes from a fundamental confusion about what is being celebrated. Are we celebrating acts of mothering? The motherly qualities that teach and comfort, even if only in moments? Are we celebrating the idea, the divine role of mother<i>ing</i>? Or are we celebrating those women who serve 'in the trenches' day in and day out? Who sacrifice their bodies, their times, their own needs in order to give completely to their children? The ones who are actively mothers, with children that they care for, seemingly unceasingly? Herein, lies the conflict, at least for me. I haven't come to any conclusions about what the day is meant to celebrate, only ideas about how to celebrate depending on which interpretation you're using.<br />
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At my church, it's traditional for all adult women to be given a small gift at the end of Sacrament Meeting on Mothers Day. This is usually arranged by the Young Men's organization, so boys 12-18 years old and their leaders. In order to avoid anyone having to make awkward determinations about who is or is not a mother, they have all the women stand and receive the gift, usually something simple, like a chocolate bar, a plant or a bookmark. The first year I was an adult in a ward where there were families, I didn't have any children of my own; I had only been married less than 2 months! I felt awkward receiving a gift and being celebrated for something I hadn't done yet. The year after that, I was pregnant with my first child and felt a little better about being celebrated because I was on the path to motherhood, but it was still early and very few people knew I was pregnant. I was still pretty sick at that point too. Obviously since then, I've had a child and been a mother, in a way that was obvious to everyone. <br />
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I've found there is so much pressure on those who are asked to give a talk or teach a lesson on Mothers Day. There is pressure to include everyone, women who have children at home, women who haven't been able to have children because of infertility, women who have grown children and some of whom are grandmothers, women who are unmarried or waiting to have children, women who never had children for whatever reason but have had motherly influences on others as aunts, teachers, leaders, etc. Yet, I've also felt that when you say "We're all mothers, no matter what" it at least somewhat minimizes the struggles and day to day sacrifices of those who are mothers. Let me say that when I tell people what the biggest adjustment about parenthood was for me, it was the relentlessness. Parenting does not stop. You may do all the same tasks: cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, reading books, etc as a babysitter, a nanny, an aunt or a grandmothers, but at some point, your shift is over and you give the kids back to their parents. When you're the parent, your shift <b>never stops</b>. You may get a few hours here and there where you're not performing the childcare yourself, but you are always thinking about it, thinking about what you need to teach your children, thinking about the responsibility you have for them. There is a never a break from that. And that is what makes parenthood different. So not every woman is a mother. (The conversation about when you become a mother is a separate one. I have friends who have lost babies or are birthmothers who placed their babies for adoption. I wouldn't dream of telling them that since they aren't caring for their children every day that they're not mothers. Same with how I wouldn't tell an adoptive mother that since she doesn't share genetics with her children, that she isn't really a mother. Like I said, that's a different conversation.) <br />
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Both my sister and my sister-in-law are very involved aunts in the lives of their nieces and nephews. They babysit the kids, take them out for special events, have them over for sleepovers, and care for all their needs in the hours/days the kids are with them. These women are performing mothering acts, having a motherly influence. My daughter loves her Auntie Katie so much and is just about as comfortable with her as she is with me. But, Katie isn't her mother, I am. At the end of the day, I am the one worrying about if Jilly is eating enough, if she is where she should be developmentally, if she has the clothes she needs, and so on. The aunts enrich the lives of the children and teach them many things, these kids are so blessed to have them! These ladies will make fantastic mothers when that day comes. But at this time, they're not mothers, and while their efforts are motherly and definitely valuable, they're not the same as those I make as a mother.<br />
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But on the other side, I definitely believe that all women are endowed with special qualities and abilities from our Heavenly parents that are those of mothers and motherhood. I believe every woman (and really, you could swap mother for father and motherhood for fatherhood throughout all of this) has the potential and the inherent qualities to be motherly. This is what I think people really mean when they say "We're all mothers." I think they mean "We're all motherly, because we are created in the image of our Heavenly Mother." This is where I absolutely feel it appropriate and important to recognize the motherly influences of all different roles. <br />
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Growing up, I had a great mother. She taught me not only day to day skills and modeled how to be a mother, but she taught me important character and spiritual lessons. I learned how to cook, a little bit of sewing, how to change a diaper, how to make hospital corners when making a bed, how to read, and so many more things. She also taught me, by example and by talking with me, to be confident in who I am and how I deserve to be treated, how to look for the fun and humor in life, how to find the silver lining, and how to examine and analyze a situation and look for the deeper meaning. I also had many other women in my life who have been motherly to me and influenced and taught me. When I was in college, especially the year I got engaged and married, there was a senior missionary couple at the Institute. The wife, Sister Smith, took everyone under her wing, and was an especial support to me during that time. She helped me get ready to go through the temple for my endowments and encouraged me, and most of all, was happy for me about my upcoming marriage. She filled a void with her mothering of me. I am grateful for hers and many other women's mothering efforts on my behalf. I have so benefited from them. But their influence and efforts and sacrifices, while amazing, weren't quite the same as my own mother's and I don't want to project the idea that they are equal.<br />
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I think this is the conflict of Mothers Day. Do we celebrate the efforts and sacrifices of mothers or the influence and divine nature of the institution of motherhood? That can be a personal decision for each person in their own family. This year, my husband made an effort to pamper me all weekend and tell me how much he appreciated all I did as a mother for our children. And when I wrote out the card to my own mother, I wrote it only from me and thanked her for what she did as a mother. I had my kids give her presents, hug her, kiss her, and tell her Happy Mothers Day, but it was mostly about me celebrating her efforts as a mother, not necessarily as a grandmother. But, when you're involved in a church or organization, as I am, and Mothers Day needs to be addressed by the group, how do you best do that? You want to value everyone and all their efforts, yet you cover such a large and varied group it's hard to do without annoying or offending or hurting someone. Here is how I think Mothers Day should be approached, at least in the context of my church.<br />
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I think all the talks in Sacrament Meeting should be about the divine nature of womanhood and motherhood. I want to hear about how all women are patterned after our Heavenly Mother and the qualities given to us from Her. I want to hear about the motherly influence each of us can have on others, no matter if we have born and raised children or not. I want it to be about those divine qualities of nurturing, spirituality, patience, faith, and love. I feel that is a way to include all women and celebrate Mothers Day for each of us. I do not want to hear about how being a mother is about teaching your kids how to clean the toilet or make jam or other tasks. I'm not saying those are bad things, but I do think making the celebration of Mothers Day, by the Church, about those things can only lead to offense and upset. Women without children will feel belittled and ignored because they can't do those things with their own children. Women with children will feel like they're being held up to a standard that is impossible to live up to and more discouraged about things that really don't matter, like how often they sweep the floor. Let's focus on the principles and divinity of the gifts of mothering, not on the nitty gritty details that vary for each woman and her situation. Sunday School, I would say to ignore it completely and just continue with the normally scheduled lesson. And for Relief Society and Young Womens, I have two ideas, depending on the ward. For either plan, I would like it if the men of the ward took over Primary and Nursery and all the sisters (including YW) could meet together (they could do this either only the third hour, or to have the biggest impact, have the men take over the 2nd hour Primary classes as well, so the women can go to Sunday School too). The first suggestion is to have a lesson on motherhood, in the same vein as the Sacrament Meeting talks. Let us celebrate the beautiful and divine influence we can have as mothers and motherly figures. Let us encourage those future mothers (whether they be the YW or just RS sisters who haven't had children yet) about how noble and rewarding motherhood is! Let us uplift all the women in the ward and recognize their motherly efforts. Let us truly bond as sisters and as women, daughters of Heavenly parents who love us and have given us so much. The second suggestion is to gather together and just 'take the day off', if you will. This happened in a few wards of my friends' yesterday. The women gathered in the cultural hall (or wherever) and got to sit and chat and socialize, while eating yummy treats, like a chocolate fountain or cheesecake. Sure, it's not deeply spiritual, but it would be so nice to have that opportunity for all the sisters of the ward to get to spend time together. I know it would be especially rewarding to those women who serve in Primary and Young Women each week, sacrificing the chance to go to Sunday School and Relief Society for their own spiritual nourishment, and instead work with small squirmy children and teenagers who resist all authority. Often these women feel so isolated from the Relief Society and sisterhood, and one day a year to congregate with and enrich those bonds of sisterhood could make a big difference.<br />
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This also leads me to another thing about Mothers Day that I take issue with. There is an attitude in the Church that women are saints and men are sinners. Look at the difference between the General RS Meeting talks and the talks given in the Priesthood session of General Conference. The women are vaunted and nearly beatified, constantly being told about how wonderful and long suffering they are. The men are told that they're constantly screwing up, like they're all viewing pornography and ignoring their Priesthood responsibilities. Overall, it's like "The poor saintly women have to put up with these sinful, dumb men." And then, when a woman leader does get up and not even harshly, but gently, call the women to task, she is ridiculed and excoriated and the cry of "How dare she say that! Doesn't she know that <b>I</b> can't do that because of these circumstances in <i>my</i> life?! We don't all live in that perfect world!" (Some of the uproar after Sister Julie B. Beck's "Mothers Who Know" talk a few years ago, comes to mind.) This attitude plays out on both Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Have you noticed the difference in how they are celebrated at church? When was the last time you heard a Sacrament Meeting talk on the third Sunday of June contain the phrase "We're all fathers"? Have you ever heard it? I don't know that I have. I do know that I've heard plenty of talks that still showcase a father's weaknesses and faults and make fun of them. How sad! So everything I have suggested for celebrating Mothers Day is meant to be applied completely equally to Fathers Day. (I feel that the attitude I've described also desperately needs to change, but this is another thing that is a conversation for another day.)<br />
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Mothers Day is a day to celebrate mothers as well as the institution of motherhood and influence of mothering. So much of the conflict and upset surround this day could be resolved, or at least ameliorated, by recognizing and acknowledging the divide in how the holiday is perceived and adjusted the celebrations thusly. What are your thoughts on any of this? How do you perceive Mothers Day? What do you want to see, in how it is celebrated, specifically at church? What is the purpose of the day? The conclusions that I have come to aren't hard and fast. I would like to other people's experiences and thoughts.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-46388514861712942412011-05-01T18:43:00.000-07:002011-05-01T18:43:37.589-07:00Exploring My FearsHere I am, 34 weeks pregnant with my third child. You'd think I'd be an old pro at this by now, having gone through 3 pregnancies in 5 years. But I find there are fears each time you go through this. They are different with each baby, but the fears are there nonetheless. I've learned that if I give voice to those fears, type them out or say them out loud it takes away their power. I can talk myself through them and view them more rationally.<br />
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This baby is not coming when we had planned for her. After Jason was born, I said I wanted to wait until he turned 3 before trying to get pregnant again. I struggle so much with morning sickness and not only is it incredibly draining on myself and my husband, but I saw the toll it took on Jilly. There were mornings where all I could do was to lift her out of bed and hand her a cup of juice, before collapsing on the couch and barely moving for the next couple hours, except to throw up. I couldn't really care for her very well for weeks. That was probably the (emotionally) hardest part of his pregnancy. Because of that experience, I knew I wanted him and Jilly to both be older and more self-sufficient before we went through that again. But as I have learned, my plans don't always work out. Jason was 15 months old, so much a baby, still nursing frequently and not quite walking when I got pregnant. Jilly wasn't quite 4 and still not potty-trained. Steve had been out of work for almost a year at that point. HOLY COW. I spent that first night panicking. "What am I going to do? How am I going to handle two little babies and my preschooler who still needs so much? How are we going to afford this? How am I going to fit all three in our apartment or our car? Three is such a huge number!!!" My husband gave me the most hope. He was not just calm, but reassuring and excited. He told me he wasn't scared, things would work out, and how lucky were we for getting to have another baby? I put my faith in him and in my Heavenly Father, that this baby wouldn't have come unless it was for both her and our benefit. <br />
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The first trimester was predictably horrendous. I was sick so often, lost weight and all around was no fun to be with. But it was easier this time. You'd think that my husband being out of work would be a huge stress, but it ended up being a wonderful blessing. He was home full time. He could do everything that needed to be done: taking care of the kids 100% (well, 98%- I still would do Jilly's hair for school most of the time ;-)), cooking, cleaning, running to the store to get my prescription at 11pm on Friday night so I'd have it for work tomorrow, he took the kids to the Trunk or Treat because I couldn't get off the couch, etc. He is AMAZING. It not only made things easier on me, because I didn't have to be responsible for those things, but it also made things easier on me emotionally, because I could see that my kids were still being taken care of, just as they were used to. What a comfort that was!! Jason weaned himself only a couple weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I was a little sad about it, because I wanted to nurse until he was 2, but I was mostly relieved that I wouldn't be trying to breastfeed, grow a baby, and survive myself. I was still scared, because it was so physically taxing, especially with work (I was working three 12 hour shifts a week). But we made it through.<br />
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Once the morning sickness lifted, it was much easier to get excited. At the end of January, we found out Jilly was right all along; the baby is a girl! At the beginning of the pregnancy, we'd told Jilly we were having a new baby and she seemed to understand right away. The baby was in Mama's tummy and when asked if it was a boy or girl, she was adamant the baby was a girl. We even asked her what we should name the baby and she responded, "Ducky. Baby Duck." Which, of course, was adorable, so the nickname stuck and Ducky has been a much talked about person in our family. We also decided to plan for another out-of-hospital birth, but this time we decided to plan on the birth center in Kirkland. It's a little farther from our house, but not much. We toured it the other day and it is a beautiful place to birth our little girl. <br />
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Of course, now that the birth is looming before us, there is a new set of fears creeping up. I've been dealing with this awful hip pain during the whole pregnancy. It's been getting worse and sometimes gets down into my leg and knee, the joints/bones as well as the muscles. It has certainly made getting around even harder and I have to be careful about how much walking I do in a day, lest I really exacerbate it. The last few weeks have been the worst, and even driving hurts it (its my right hip/leg). I kept thinking that delivery would be the solution; as soon as the baby is off my pelvis and the bulk of the extra weight is off, it will be way less painful. That will definitely help. But it recently occurred to me that this might affect me while in labor. What if the baby settles into a position that puts a lot of pressure on my hip and I have to deal with awful pain there on top of contractions? What if I can't handle it and I feel forced into transferring to the hospital and getting an epidural? And worst of all, what if my pelvis is twisted enough that it won't allow her through/ into a position where she can get out, and I have to not only transfer, but have a C-section- just because of this hip? I'm not irrational about this; I recognize that these things may come to pass and if they do, they will be to appropriate choices. But they're not what I want and I worry about what that will do to me, not only physically, but emotionally. Recovering from a C-section will be a much different, and likely much more difficult, experience than I have gone through before. To do with when three small kids will be even harder. There's a whole host of risks that go along with any interventions and being forced into using them, means that the benefits outweigh the risks or that the risks of not intervening are higher. I loathe the idea that my baby might be in danger; who would like that?! <br />
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I hadn't mentioned these fears to anyone for a few days, then shared them with some friends and Steve and my midwife. I hadn't told her much about the hip pain until really recently (not sure why, I just hadn't), so I explained the pain and then told her about my concerns with the implications for the birth. She was really reassuring and reminded me about all the options I have before we get to those decisions. Both she and the apprentice midwife working with her, reminded me how soothing and pain-relieving water can be. I know that it can help with labor contractions (hence why I had Jason in a bathtub), but I hadn't considered what it might be able to do for the hip pain, especially if it's affecting my muscles. We discussed the other possibilities for transfer and how we would go about doing so, which hospital we would go to, method of transport, etc. And she told me something really important, in that they have to transfer multiparas (women who have given birth at least once) very rarely, around twice a year. It was so reassuring! We toured the birth center as well the other day and it beautiful. A very relaxing and soothing place, perfect for a birth.<br />
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Now that I've explored my fears, I'm feeling a lot better about the impending birth. There is still so much I don't know and can't control about how it will unfold. I'm just 3 weeks from being considered "full term" and it being okay for Ducky to come out. All the important things are figured out. Her car seat is in the car, clothes are gathered, childcare for the older two is set up, even bought newborn diapers and we've gone over plans with the birth center and midwives. There are still plenty of things to do, like pack our bags for the birth, wash her clothes and get a piece of furniture to store them in, reorganize my bedroom a little bit to fit her in easier, etc. But really and truly, if we didn't do anything more to prepare that just pack bags for labor (which will be minimal anyway), she would be just fine, it would just give us more to do after she was born. <br />
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Giving voice to my fears was the most important thing I could have done for them. By articulating them and sharing them with someone else, they have less mysterious power over me. I have talked through them and gotten reassurance about not only what to do if they come to fruition, but also had them put in perspective about how likely they are and what it really means in the end. I feel so much more at peace/ Now I can just focus on getting through these last few weeks and preparing to meet my Duckling. I can enjoy it, even. Before we know it, I will be back to having a newborn and adjusting to being the mother of three!! It's still daunting, but not paralyzing or terrifying. Now it's just an exciting challenge I want to meet.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-51437029088116354102010-03-20T06:57:00.000-07:002010-03-22T17:49:34.872-07:00One-Sided Sensitivity<div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 78%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 9px;"></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 78%;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 78%;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">There's something that's been on my mind for a couple years now and I've wanted to ruminate on it, but haven't yet taken the time to formally write it out. It surfaced again today, so I decided to take advantage of a quiet morning at work (thus far) to finally get it articulated.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia, sans-serif;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I've been reading a couple blogs by LDS women about their struggles with infertility. I sympathize with them greatly. Infertility hasn't been an issue for me, but I can imagine the heartache that they feel and my soul yearns to comfort them somehow. However, there is this very common attitude that it's not fair for any woman to complain about pregnancy, because these women can't/haven't experienced it. That really rubs me the wrong way. We all should be compassionate and sensitive about someone's trials and no pregnant woman needs to drone on incessantly for hours about every single ache and pain (which I am guilty of-I am not pleasant when pregnant). But the pains and discomforts of pregnancy are real, and it's insensitive to discount someone's suffering, whatever it may be. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I don't mean to single out infertile women; I have encountered it also from women who have had miscarriages and/or premature babies. In a group of friends, whenever a lady in the late stages of pregnancy would vent about her ever-increasing discomfort and/or a seemingly minor worry about her child (if the baby had a cold, for example), one particular woman would always seem to comment, "Well I had my baby at 25 weeks and he barely survived and has all the long-term medical complications, so I don't know what you're complaining about." I find that attitude repulsive. To me the underlying sentiment was, "You don't know real suffering, and your fears are worthless because I have gone through so much worse." Perhaps I am interpreting the intention wrong, but that is how I perceive it. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I haven't endured the pain of not being able to have children, but I have endured a major loss. My father died when I was 18. I was there, performed CPR and called 911, answered all the paramedics' questions and then was told that all efforts had failed and my dad was dead. I was barely out of high school and was living with him at the time. In one night my life changed forever. Suddenly, I was the “next of kin” ; I had to be the one in charge of picking up his autopsy report and helping make funeral arrangements. I am forever grateful that my mom took on the bulk of the responsibilities, even though my parents had been divorced for 5+ years and his family lived across the country. But I still had to experience hardships that most college freshman do not. I was left without my father, just as I was really getting to know him for who he was, not just as my dad. I lost the one person in my immediate family who shared my religious beliefs, and I suddenly didn't have that “backup” anymore. I shut it out. I carried on. I didn't let myself feel that grief at the time. It's only been over the 7 years since that I have let that grief out, in small doses. It is especially difficult at major milestones in my life: my wedding, the births of my children, their blessings and other moments of great importance.</span></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Why do I bring this up? Not just to show that I, too, have suffered and grieved, but to use it to illustrate my point. I don't have my dad in my life. I know I'll see him again after this life, and that he is watching over me, but it doesn't change the fact or take away the pain that I can't see him or talk to him or hug him now. I can't watch him play with my kids, or watch sports with my husband, or talk to me about the Gospel. That's just how it is. But I don't begrudge anyone else their relationship with their father, just because I can't enjoy mine right now. If a friend is telling me about an argument she had with her dad, I don't reply "Well, at least your dad is alive! You can talk to him so why are you complaining?!" I realize that my loss doesn't invalidate their suffering. Whether or not their problem is big to me, it's big to them and worthy of my sympathy. </span></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I'm learning the lesson that just because someone has something I don't have, doesn't mean they are taking it away from me. I used to get jealous and angry when I'd hear that about a woman who had no morning sickness during her pregnancies. I thought, "That's not fair! I'm so miserable and sick and suffer so much!" But then I realized that I should be glad for someone who doesn't have to suffer like I do. Just because a friend gets to enjoy her pregnancy without throwing up constantly, doesn't make me throw up more. Right now I live in an apartment, we have only one car, and a lot of my furniture needs to be replaced. I have friends who have houses, two or more cars, nice furniture, and plenty of money. They have been blessed and I am happy for them. I wish I could have it too, but they haven't taken those things away from me. </span></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My point isn't to beat up on these women, but rather to point out the insensitivity in this attitude. There are so many insensitive, rude and very hurtful things said to women when it comes to the subject of childbearing and -raising. Comments like "If you had enough faith, you'd get pregnant," or "What?! Another kid?! Can you afford the ones you have now?" are awful and terribly hurtful, even if they weren't intended to be. We all have our trials and struggles and pain. Each of us also has been given talents and gifts and blessings. Not two people have been given the same lot in life. We need to make sure that we are not discounting or invalidating someone's feelings just because we don't experience what they do. It would be horribly rude for me to say to a woman yearning for a child, "Well, at least you get to sleep through the night/eat without throwing up/not be thrown up on or peed on constantly." I just ask for the same respect. I invite you to share with me your struggles and feelings about trials you have to endure. </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We can build understanding even through our differing challenges and being dismissive of each other's circumstances will only erect barriers between us.</span></span></span></span></o:p></span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
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<div style="mso-element: comment-list;"><div style="mso-element: comment;"><div class="msocomtxt" id="_com_6" language="JavaScript" onmouseout="msoCommentHide('_com_6')" onmouseover="msoCommentShow('_anchor_6','_com_6')"></div></div></div></span></div>~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-53895553388487132192010-01-20T23:00:00.000-08:002010-01-20T23:09:48.382-08:00ComparisonThese first pictures are of my daughter's birth. It was a 14-hour, fairly uneventful labor, augmented with pitocin and AROM (despite going into labor spontaneously and contracting regularly), followed by an epidural and vacuum delivery.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8467DzKj6ODuBANNrmNNuihHAmi9ClMko093OXz1jo7BCEBxWofLNcUyj03p7e30E41rufteRwdXdAl2Y4aOxpJ9kX_2rkT19grcCGo1IQ9ivRHWio1SmEZ5-JZFYW9uxMARTWCerizY/s1600-h/111_1168.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8467DzKj6ODuBANNrmNNuihHAmi9ClMko093OXz1jo7BCEBxWofLNcUyj03p7e30E41rufteRwdXdAl2Y4aOxpJ9kX_2rkT19grcCGo1IQ9ivRHWio1SmEZ5-JZFYW9uxMARTWCerizY/s320/111_1168.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429084740855303554" /></a><br />I had an IV with continuous fluids and was confined to bed.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyNl07HUGT-P2HuZSeeOGPwwKh8bxsS4MNuXZQkhHIO6RY4p188zU9IeuqlF0537hgTMF5Ti0mSXybkfwctpGyFX4kf3cub4VB1SPNNwzN6SoRLsIBiXeJ87iCjmIn-FjWOoIIlf1slIs/s1600-h/111_1174.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyNl07HUGT-P2HuZSeeOGPwwKh8bxsS4MNuXZQkhHIO6RY4p188zU9IeuqlF0537hgTMF5Ti0mSXybkfwctpGyFX4kf3cub4VB1SPNNwzN6SoRLsIBiXeJ87iCjmIn-FjWOoIIlf1slIs/s320/111_1174.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429084747998247730" /></a><br />I look puffy and exhausted. Happy, but not elated. And that was how I felt. Drained, tired, beleaguered and glad it was over and I had my baby.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrMPoUFffUeIiwi2rO434mzE5LRtYnNx7Faug1ffjq_scYHLSbLLd06sPlM6Lila9OYRLFRzoQwZbR-60cqgS4Izibm5vO07J2F5EgUKuBOxsqiv95dV26C-UxoLugDdcRLFKyH0_fTzk/s1600-h/111_1185.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrMPoUFffUeIiwi2rO434mzE5LRtYnNx7Faug1ffjq_scYHLSbLLd06sPlM6Lila9OYRLFRzoQwZbR-60cqgS4Izibm5vO07J2F5EgUKuBOxsqiv95dV26C-UxoLugDdcRLFKyH0_fTzk/s320/111_1185.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429084730426633010" /></a><br /><br />These pictures are from my son's birth. I was even more sleep deprived by the time he was born, having been through 6-8 hours of early but normal labor, 18 hours of prodromal labor, and 2 hours of very intense, active labor. It was all spontaneous and intervention free. It was the most difficult physical work I have ever endured.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2ibcoh9WwplJErjnJ9zRNG1mHrSSBja_ZbajXGsk31cu3747JMn9cYzjw0i2q-xLS7XCTlg1-jr12obhO-JhbtlHTELGelgip9xjRyboboGc3LsJrWqf73V-1asJnRV8YJi-eQXbm7hU/s1600-h/100_0383.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2ibcoh9WwplJErjnJ9zRNG1mHrSSBja_ZbajXGsk31cu3747JMn9cYzjw0i2q-xLS7XCTlg1-jr12obhO-JhbtlHTELGelgip9xjRyboboGc3LsJrWqf73V-1asJnRV8YJi-eQXbm7hU/s320/100_0383.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429084724703280034" /></a><br />But I look ecstatic, wide awake and very connected with what had just happened. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFoyBZRnleUiQEJUGR4wZEis839xDmzf9S5fwE1PcjW_jdxJWFCdQ0UKFrMaeAb8tRg90ftIfyidebbtXB4Vx30hIhrbQgYmeNBWpr_l8D3isJHMm441AFdEwIK_oND3Ask7vKI0lwGQE/s1600-h/100_0408.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFoyBZRnleUiQEJUGR4wZEis839xDmzf9S5fwE1PcjW_jdxJWFCdQ0UKFrMaeAb8tRg90ftIfyidebbtXB4Vx30hIhrbQgYmeNBWpr_l8D3isJHMm441AFdEwIK_oND3Ask7vKI0lwGQE/s320/100_0408.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429084709281078674" /></a><br /><br />Both times I had greasy hair and no makeup, very unglamorous. But yet, I see the victory in the second set.<br /><br />Shouldn't every woman feel like that?~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-38142500293788177102009-12-05T08:17:00.000-08:002009-12-05T13:22:00.002-08:00Nursing in ChurchThis post from <a href="http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2009/12/breastfeeding-in-church.html">Rixa</a> got me thinking the other day. The post brings up the topic of breastfeeding in church. Rixa is also LDS so our frames of references are the same/similar. I was going to just comment, but before I knew it, my comment was turning into an essay. So I decided it was something worthy of a post. <br /><br />Most mothers I know, go in to the Mothers Lounge to nurse and change their babies. I have only seen a mother nurse outside the Mothers Room a couple times. In our ward, we typically have several babies at any given time and there has been more than one occasion where I have been one of four or five women in the room, where there are only two chairs. Even though there is a speaker that enables us to hear the talks from Sacrament Meeting, it doesn't mean we will hear, either because we are chatting or there is a crying baby or whatever. <br /><br />I always nursed Jilly in the Mothers Room. Always. Toward the end of our nursing relationship, I thought about nursing her in Relief Society, but never did because I felt a little uncomfortable with it myself and didn't want to offend any one else. But I have learned and grown a lot since then. Toward the end with Jilly, I started getting lazy and it was easier to hand her a bottle that she could feed herself, than to sit down and nurse her. She accepted either one just fine, so it didn't matter too much. When I was pregnant with Jason, I knew I wanted to be more dedicated to the nursing relationship. I want to nurse him longer (ideally 15-18 months, maybe more) and give him less formula overall. Because I already know how to nurse and am comfortable with doing it around others, I knew I didn't want to sequester myself while nursing the same way. Plus, let's face it. With your second child, you learn to multi-task while taking care of the baby, rather than stopping and taking time out to nurse or soothe your first baby. <br /><br />I serve in the Primary organization. So for almost 2 hours, I am helping with the kids, conducting, leading music, teaching, and quieting wiggly ones. I often keep Jason with me, unless I am teaching. He usually nurses during Sacrament Meeting and again during the third hour of Church. If he wants to be fed during Primary, I usually just nurse him right there, with my nursing cover. It makes it so much easier for me. I can still be present in what is going on, answer questions, even give stern looks and instructions to settle down. ;-) I don't conduct or lead the music while I am nursing, not because any worry about exposure, but more out of comfort, because my arms get sore holding him without support! If I was in Sunday School or Relief Society, or serving in Young Women, I think I would do the same. Sacrament Meeting is the one place I don't regularly nurse in.<br /><br />I have nursed once or twice in the chapel, during Sacrament Meeting. But I usually go to the Mothers Room. My husband and I have differing opinions on nursing during Sacrament Meeting. I want to do it, he thinks I shouldn't. He is in total agreement that it is quite appropriate to nourish my baby, the way Heavenly Father designed. His argument is that other people may be offended by me doing so, and even though I may be 'right', if I do something deliberately knowing that it may cause offense or distract them from their worship, then that is wrong and that sin is on me. I feel that I am magnifying the divine body that Heavenly Father gave me. He designed my body this way and intended for babies to nurse. I feel like that is glorifying my spirit, rather than doing something wrong or dirty. If I am doing what He intended, then I feel it is completely appropriate to do so during Sacrament Meeting, in the chapel. There are probably people in our ward (I'm assuming older folks) who would be shocked and possibly offended, but I don't care too much. That sounds awful and quite callous of me. I feel like I am justified spiritually in doing so, and if someone is appalled or offended then it is their problem to sort out and I would be happy to have a constructive conversation with them about it. <br /><br />Another of the reasons I would prefer to nurse in the chapel is that I tend to lose out on the spiritual 'meat' of the meeting when I am in the Mothers Room. Just the disruption of getting up, gathering the diaper bag, walking out of the chapel, then coming back and doing it all again, takes away from my focus, as well as those around me. By nursing right there in the pew, there is minimal distraction and upheaval for myself, my baby (he often nurses to sleep, so the less movement, the more likely he is to sleep better), my family (Jilly won't freak out when I walk away, Steve doesn't have to be climbed over), and everyone else in the chapel. Since I am in Primary, and we are teaching young kids, I don't always get spiritually fed with more grown-up doctrine. Sacrament Meeting is my place for that nourishment. <br /><br />I have a feeling that if someone was to notice and have a problem with that it would mostly come from a place of ignorance- it's just something they haven't seen much of. And just because someone hasn't seen something before, is not a good reason for me to not do it. In fact, it's a good opportunity for education; an example to children and youth about how to feed a baby, the way God intended. I am quite careful to be discreet and not flashing my breast for everyone to see. With the way the pews are set up in the chapel, most people wouldn't be able to see what exactly I was doing anyway. I think I will just do it from now on. If someone has a problem with it, they can speak with me, and I would love to talk about it. I feel the same way about this, that I do about being asked to nurse in a restroom at a restaurant. I believe it is not only okay, but should be encouraged. After all, I nurse at home with no problems, and we have been told that our homes are second only to temples in sacredness.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-60535657011366388612009-03-30T12:52:00.000-07:002009-12-05T12:48:28.727-08:00My Birth DreamYesterday my friend Stephenie gave birth to her second child, a daughter named Eden, at her home. Within hours of the birth, she was online posting her birth story. What an amazing story it was! She had endured a long, traumatic and dramatic birth with her first child in a hospital. This birth took less than 1/10 of the time of her son Keagan's. After reading Eden's birth story and being inspired by it, I had a dream about the upcoming birth of my second child. I often dream about giving birth and breastfeeding, but it usually happens with no warning (I don't previously realize I'm pregnant or in labor) and I never feel a connection to the baby once it's born. This dream was much different. Here is what I remember about it:<br /><br />I think I was in a hospital setting, it was definitely not my home or my family's (where I do plan to give birth). My mom, sister and step-dad were all there, but my husband was not. I'm not sure if Jilly was around or not. In the dream, I was laboring, with an understanding of what was going on. The midwife or nurse checked my progress and told me I was 6cm dilated. Almost immediately after that, I got up from the couch, and my water broke. As soon as that happened, I felt a great deal of pressure; there was no longer a cushion of the amniotic sac. I started saying, "Ow! Ow!" My mom understood what I was feeling since she had given birth three times, but Katie and Paul were confused. In an effort to explain the feeling to them, I said, "It's like a watermelon sitting on top of a Dixie Cup, trying to come through. In fact it's almost exactly like that, in terms of size." My mom then ammended my statement slightly, "Yes, but in this case the Dixie cup stretches to accomodate the watermelon." Very shortly after that, I was sitting on the toilet, urinating, or so I thought, when I got this feeling that I needed to reach down and check on the baby. Sure enough, my hand felt a head coming out and with that realization, the baby came slipping out right into my arms. I pulled the baby right up to my chest, utterly astounded at what had just happened! Once the baby started coming out, I didn't feel any pain, but I could feel the baby coming out of my body. Someone then reminded me to look to see if it was a boy or girl (because we still don't know). I looked between the legs to find, I had another little girl! I was surprised but overcome with love for this daughter who was just born into my arms. We all took a few minutes and then I realized, with a shock, that Steve was still at work and had missed the birth of his daughter! I quickly called him and told him he needed to come see his daughter. He said, "Yeah I know Jilly wants to see me, but I'm busy. I'll be there soon." "No, not Jilly. She's fine. I mean your other daughter. She just arrived!" His reaction surprised me, first he was really angry that we hadn't called him earlier, but I tried to explain to him that it happened really fast and we didn't have time. I was unsure whether or not he was being sarcastic; he does that sometimes. But after a couple minutes, he calmed down and said he'd be there shortly. I went back to looking at my baby. She was really really skinny and all wrinkled. Her eyes were very big and she, honestly, wasn't that cute. It dawned on me that the reason she looked that way was because she was a preemie (she had a classic preemie look); I had just given birth at like 26 weeks or so. The midwife I wanted to have at the birth hadn't been there either. I got really worried about the baby, but she was apparently doing fine. Later in the dream, I came to get the baby from another room and she had plumped out all sweetly and was much cuter. There was more to the dream, but after this it went off in a strange direction.<br /><br />Soon after that part of the dream, Jilly woke me up. She had ending up in bed with me this morning, and was doing her best to make sure I was aware it was daytime. But all I wanted to do was escape back to the dream, so I could see and be with my baby girl. I was still in awe of what I had just dreamed. Now, most of the details of the dream were directly lifted from Stephenie's story, so I don't take them to mean anything in particular. But what surprised me then and continues to do so now are the feelings that I had during the dream. I was so in love with this baby and completely at peace with my decision to birth that way. I felt inspired and connected, not only to the baby, but spiritually as well. I never have strong feelings like that in a dream, so it was quite different. Also, in my dreams about childbirth, I never know who the baby is. It isn't quite my child, I don't feel a connection to it. But in this one, I knew it was my daughter and I was so thrilled to have her there. <br /><br />I don't know if this is a sign that this labor will be short and I will have a girl, but I do feel so much more secure with my decision to have a home birth. I can't say that I've felt any promptings against this decision, but the feelings I felt during this dream were more of a confirmation. My mind has worked itself through a labor and delivery (at least in part) and I feel like I have a better idea of what to expect. I know, it sounds farfetched to take all that from a dream. But why not? It's not the dream itself, it's the feelings. Like I keep saying, it wasn't one of my normal dreams. This was different. And I have to assume it was different for a reason. Now I am so anxious for this baby to arrive! I am excited to go through labor, not just as a means to an end, but I want to experience the process in a more first hand way this time. I have been fairly sure that we are having a boy, but after this dream, having a girl seems right too. I want to know if Wildcat will be a son or a daughter.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-82853978356653824692009-02-28T10:04:00.000-08:002009-02-28T10:58:47.900-08:00Planning a trip!The past week or so, I've been trying to plan ahead for a trip we're taking in May. My sister Katie is graduating from WSU (hooray for graduating, even if it is from WSU) on May 9th and we're all going over to Pullman for the ceremony. It's funny. I don't typically think of our family being that big, but it has definitely grown in the last 4 years! Instead of it being just my mom and us three kids, we now have added Steve, Paul, Juliet and Jilly. Also, my Auntie Karen comes down from Edmonton, Alberta for these graduation-y events. So total, there will be 9 of us! That's a lot, especially considering Katie will be moving home (at least for a few months) right after the ceremony. So there will be 8 of us traveling for the weekend, then Katieand all her gear coming home on Saturday. Quite the caravan load coming across the state.<br /><br />I've been stressing a bit about such a long road trip for our family (it's typically a 5-6 hour drive, but add in graduation/weekend traffic plus our issues and it could easily be more). Normally, I enjoy road trips and wouldn't mind this at all. BUT it seems each one of the three of us (Halls) have some issue that will contribute to making it a little more difficult. Steve hates being in the car, pretty much any time, but especially for long periods of time. Poor guy gets a bit claustorphobic and thus likes to stop every hour to get out and walk around. Me, I will be 7 months pregnant at the time and my bladder will be at less than normal capacity. Plus, sitting for that long can get quite uncomfortable with all the added weight and pressure. And Jilly? Well, she'll be 2 1/2. I think that's all I need to explain for that one. ;-)<br /><br />But there are a few bright points that will make the trip easier. We're going to try and leave around Noon on Friday, so we don't get to Pullman too late. Steve normally gets off work at 2:30pm, so I'm hoping that he can get off just a couple hours early without having to take any vacation time. Next, we have great Air Conditioning in our car. Jilly gets really upset in the car if she is too hot, so the A/C will help keep her comfortable. Really, I am so grateful that we have a very good, reliable car, that I don't have to worry about taking over the mountains and completely across the state. We get great gas mileage too. Another thing, we'll be traveling during nap time. I think our loyal friend, Mr. Benadryl, will make an appearance and help coax the Beanie Beast into peaceful slumber at least half the way (hey- I can dream, right?). I was talking to some friends about the trip and Heidi asked if we had a portable DVD player. I said, "No, but I wanted to ask around and borrow one if I could." Well, she has one and offered to let us borrow it for the trip. Hooray! I think that will make things easier on Jilly too. Granted, she is only 2 and sometimes a movie can't hold her interest for the entire length. But stuck in a car with no other options, I think it will help a lot. We'll surely be filling our cooler with lots of snacks and drinks for all of us. <br /><br />And the best part is on Saturday, we'll probably be caravan-ing it back. There will be three cars and 9 people total, eight of them being adult drivers. That means there will be lots of people willing to come and sit with Jilly for a spell, or better yet, take her in their car and let her parents be alone. ;-) It also means that we can stop occasionally and switch around, so no one has to drive the entire time. I think it will be quite manageable with all the (abundantly willing) help. It's lucky Jilly is as cute and adorable as she is. Everyone always wants to be with her, which makes things so easy on us as her parents. Since Katie's ceremony is at 8 or 9 that morning, we'll probably be leaving Pullman around 12 which will give us plenty of time to get home at a leisurely pace.<br /><br />I have to say I am really looking forward to this trip. It'll be fun to get out of town and see the place where Katie's been going to school for 2 1/2 years. I've never been to Pullman, so that should be interesting. And the part I am <em>really</em> looking foward to is that it will be May in Eastern Washington, which means it should be sunny and warm! Wahoo!! Ultimately of course, this is a great thing for Katie and something that deserves a lot of celebration! Hooray!!! She actually beat me to a Bachelor's degree. Congrats to her for sure.<br /><br />I think I've thought this out fairly well and will continue to do so. But if anyone has any awesome suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them!! :-)~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-22560988543447303462009-02-02T22:45:00.000-08:002009-02-02T22:47:45.697-08:00Movie SurveyApparently, if you've seen more than 85 of these movies, then you have no life. I guess I really have no life...<br /><br />(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show<br />(X) Grease<br />(X) Pirates of the Caribbean<br />(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest<br />( ) Boondock Saints<br />(X) Fight Club<br />(X) Starsky and Hutch<br />(X) Neverending Story<br />( ) Blazing Saddles<br />( ) Airplane<br />Total: 7<br /><br />(X) The Princess Bride<br />( ) AnchorMan<br />(X)Napoleon Dynamite<br />( )Labyrinth<br />( ) Saw<br />( ) Saw II<br />( ) White Noise<br />( ) White Oleander<br />( )Anger Management<br />(X)50 First Dates<br />(X) The Princess Diaries<br />(X) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement<br />Total so far: 12<br /><br />(X) Scream<br />(X) Scream 2<br />( ) Scream 3<br />(X) Scary Movie<br />( ) Scary Movie 2<br />( ) Scary Movie 3<br />( ) Scary Movie 4<br />(X) American Pie<br />(X) American Pie 2<br />(X) American Wedding<br />( ) American Pie Band Camp<br />Total so far: 18<br /><br />(X) Harry Potter 1<br />(X) Harry Potter 2<br />(X) Harry Potter 3<br />(X) Harry Potter 4<br />(X) Harry Potter 5<br />( ) Resident Evil 1<br />( ) Resident Evil 2<br />(X) The Wedding Singer<br />( ) Little Black Book<br />(X) The Village<br />(X) Lilo & Stitch<br />Total so far: 26<br /><br />(X) Finding Nemo<br />( ) Finding Neverland<br />(X) Signs<br />(X) The Grinch<br />( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre<br />( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning<br />( ) White Chicks<br />( ) Butterfly Effect<br />(X) 13 Going on 30<br />(X) I, Robot<br />( ) Robots<br />Total so far: 31<br /><br />( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story<br />( ) Universal Soldier<br />( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events<br />(X) Along Came Polly<br />(X) Deep Impact<br />( ) KingPin<br />(X) Never Been Kissed<br />(X) Meet The Parents<br />( ) Meet the Fockers<br />( ) Eight Crazy Nights<br />(X) Joe Dirt<br />( ) KING KONG<br />Total so far: 36<br /><br />( ) A Cinderella Story<br />(X) The Terminal<br />(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie<br />( ) Passport to Paris<br />(X) Dumb & Dumber<br />( ) Dumber & Dumberer<br />( ) Final Destination<br />(X) Final Destination 2<br />( ) Final Destination 3<br />( ) Halloween<br />(X) The Ring<br />( ) The Ring 2<br />( ) Surviving X-MAS<br />(X) Flubber<br />Total so far: 42<br /><br />( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle<br />(X) Practical Magic<br />(X) Chicago<br />( ) Ghost Ship<br />( ) From Hell<br />( ) Hellboy<br />( ) Secret Window<br />( ) I Am Sam<br />( ) The Whole Nine Yards<br />( ) The Whole Ten Yards<br />Total so far: 44<br /><br />(X) The Day After Tomorrow<br />( ) Child's Play<br />( ) Seed of Chucky<br />( ) Bride of Chucky<br />(X) Ten Things I Hate About You<br />( ) Just Married<br />( ) Gothika<br />( ) Nightmare on Elm Street<br />(X) Sixteen Candles<br />( ) Remember the Titans<br />( ) Coach Carter<br />(X) The Grudge<br />( ) The Grudge 2<br />(X) The Mask<br />( ) Son Of The Mask<br />Total so far: 49<br /><br />( ) Bad Boys<br />( ) Bad Boys 2<br />( ) Joy Ride<br />( ) Lucky Number Seven<br />(X) Ocean's Eleven<br />(X) Ocean's Twelve<br />(X) Bourne Identity<br />(X) Bourne Supremecy<br />( ) Lone Star<br />(X) Bedazzled<br />( ) Predator I<br />( ) Predator II<br />(X) The Fog<br />( ) Ice Age<br />( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown<br />( ) Curious George<br />Total so far: 55<br /><br />(X) Independence Day<br />( ) Cujo<br />( ) A Bronx Tale<br />( ) Darkness Falls<br />( ) Christine<br />(X) ET<br />( ) Children of the Corn<br />( ) My Bosses Daughter<br />(X) Maid in Manhattan<br />( ) War of the Worlds<br />(X) Rush Hour<br />(X) Rush Hour 2<br />Total so far: 60<br /><br />( ) Best Bet<br />(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days<br />(X) She's All That<br />( ) Calendar Girls<br />( ) Sideways<br />( ) Mars Attacks<br />( ) Event Horizon<br />(X) Ever After<br />(X) Wizard of Oz<br />(X) Forrest Gump<br />( ) Big Trouble in Little China<br />(X) The Terminator<br />(X) The Terminator 2<br />( ) The Terminator 3<br />Total so far: 67<br /><br />(X) X-Men<br />(X) X-2<br />(X) X-3<br />(X) Spider-Man<br />(X) Spider-Man 2<br />( ) Sky High<br />( ) Jeepers Creepers<br />( ) Jeepers Creepers 2<br />(X) Catch Me If You Can<br />(X) The Little Mermaid<br />(X) Freaky Friday<br />( ) Reign of Fire<br />( ) The Skulls<br />( ) Cruel Intentions<br />( ) Cruel Intentions 2<br />(X) The Hot Chick<br />(X) Shrek<br />(X) Shrek 2<br />Total so far: 78<br /><br />(X) Swimfan<br />(X) Miracle on 34th street<br />( ) Old School<br />(X) The Notebook<br />( ) K-Pax<br />( ) Krippendorf's Tribe<br />(X) A Walk to Remember<br />( ) Ice Castles<br />( ) Boogeyman<br />( ) The 40-year-old Virgin<br />Total so far: 82<br /><br />(X ) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring<br />(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers<br />(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King<br />(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark<br />(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom<br />(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade<br />Total so far: 88<br /><br />( ) Baseketball<br />( ) Hostel<br />( ) Waiting for Guffman<br />( ) House of 1000 Corpses<br />( ) Devils Rejects<br />(X) Elf<br />( ) Highlander<br />( ) Mothman Prophecies<br />( ) American History X<br />( ) Three<br />Total so Far : 89<br /><br />( ) The Jacket<br />( ) Kung Fu Hustle<br />( ) Shaolin Soccer<br />( ) Night Watch<br />(X) Monsters Inc.<br />(X) Titanic<br />(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail<br />( ) Shaun Of the Dead<br />( ) Willard<br />Total so far: 92<br /><br />( ) High Tension<br />( ) Club Dread<br />( ) Hulk<br />( ) Dawn Of the Dead<br />(X) Hook<br />(X) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe<br />( ) 28 days later<br />( ) Orgazmo<br />( ) Phantasm<br />( ) Waterworld<br />Total so far: 94<br /><br />( ) Kill Bill vol 1<br />( ) Kill Bill vol 2<br />( ) Mortal Kombat<br />( ) Wolf Creek<br />(X) Kingdom of Heaven<br />( ) The Hills Have Eyes<br />( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman<br />( ) The Last House on the Left<br />( ) Re-Animator<br />(X) Army of Darkness<br />Total so far: 96<br /><br />(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace<br />(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones<br />(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith<br />(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope<br />(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back<br />(X)Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi<br />( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage<br />( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor<br />Total so far: 102<br /><br />(X) The Matrix<br />(X) The Matrix Reloaded<br />(X) The Matrix Revolutions<br />( ) Animatrix<br />(X) Evil Dead<br />(X) Evil Dead 2<br />( ) Team America: World Police<br />( ) Red Dragon<br />(X) Silence of the Lambs<br />( ) Hannibal<br />Total so far: 108<br /><br />Not to mention there are at least 10-15 more that I have seen lots of parts of, but never all the way through. I've seen a lot of movies. But I bet my sister has seen (i.e. owns) more. ;-)~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-4568403310521870822009-01-19T16:59:00.000-08:002009-01-19T17:23:56.757-08:00Appetite for Destruction: Life with a 2 year oldWhy is it that 2 year olds feel this insatiable appetite for destruction? You can guess Jilly is feeling better because she's been ripping things apart and throwing them on the floor again. Crazy kid. In the living room, we have a bookshelf which is completely hers. On the top shelf, it has all of her books. The other three shelves have her toys in various baskets and containers. Next to the bookshelf, we keep our extra carseat, mostly to block her from getting behind the couch. Well, she now loves to climb into the carseat and stand there while using those chubby little arms of hers to sweep her books onto the floor. Usually this is after she has pulled one or more of the toy baskets of the shelf and dumped them ceremoniously onto the floor. So we have piles of tiny little toys on the floor, covered by layers of books. That was the first thing she pulled today.<br /><br />Next, she took these "disco ball" necklaces she got in her stocking and decided they were best used as wrecking balls. She stood in front of the kitchen counter (the backside where there is a wall) and just swung the balls, slamming them alternately into the wall. It's a good thing they're just cheap, hollow plastic, otherwise they might have done some damage! <br /><br />After she got bored with that and dropped them right there, she moved in to her room, where I was on the computer. She started going through the desk drawers, despite my repeated warnings, "Jilly, get out of there! Close that drawer!" and me closing it myself several times. She eventually pulled out a pencil and wandered away with it before I noticed it was in her hand. Sure enough a couple moments later, I hear the tell-tale scratching noises of the pencil coloring on the wall. Good grief, kid!! <br /><br />By that time, I needed something else to distract her. So I decided it was time for a bath. Now, Jilly LOVES baths. She would live in the bath full time if we would let her. She splashes and plays and doesn't mind if the water gets cold. Plus she stays fairly contained. It's easy to have her in there for an hour or two, allowing her parents to get things done around the house or on the computer or whatever. Before I worry anyone, I don't just plop her in there and run away. We keep a close eye and ear on her for sure. I make sure I either hear her make a noise or go and check on her every couple minutes, so she's not unsupervised. Anyway, she was having a blast as usual while I was on the computer. Then something sounded fishy. I listened a little closer and sure enough, there it was. The sound of water being poured, with gusto I might add, onto the bathroom floor. ARGH! It took 4 towels and the bathmat to soak it all up. It was covering half the bathroom floor. For heaven sakes child!!! I have a rule that if a towel goes on the bathroom floor, it gets washed, not just hung up to dry. So this meant another load of laundry (I was already washing her bedding, which she's leaked on overnight). At least they're just towels and it was rather simple to clean up.<br /><br />Now, I know this is all normal behavior of 2 year olds. But it drives me nuts! She'll take a previously clean and tidy room and turn it shambles in minutes! Then go off to another room (to do the same) because this room is now cluttered and boring to her. Anyone have a trick to get her to sit down and actually <em>play</em> with her toys, rather than just throw them around? I'm contemplating just putting them all away, since she only throws them on the floor anyway. But that seems a little mean, and then she'll have more "incentive" to destroy something we actually use, like the dishes or computer or something. Steve is going nuts with this as well. I can't wait until she outgrows this phase... Please tell me it won't be too long! :-)~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-43347996104153256612009-01-17T13:25:00.000-08:002009-01-17T14:06:17.286-08:00Sick Jilly, but Mama doesn't mindThe past week has had some days that I don't look forward to as a mother, but I actually kind of enjoy when they come. Jillian has a cold and has been running a fever off and on. You can tell she has a fever, because she gets quite lethargic and subdued and just kinda lays around. At first I thought she was teething (getting those super fun 2nd year molars), because she had a clear runny nose, was chewing on her hands and just a little fever. Then she started having diarrhea, but I was attributing that to too much apple juice. Now I'm convinced she has a cold. The snot has got cloudy and her fever is much more obvious, and the diarrhea isn't going anywhere. Poor kiddo. I always feel bad she doesn't feel well, but honestly, it's not hard to handle.<br /><br />She has got to be one of the world's easiest kids to deal with when she's sick. She mostly just sleeps and lays around. She is very undemanding, and she loves to cuddle. This is quite a difference for us, because normally she doesn't like being cuddled. When she's sick, it's pretty much all she wants to do. Last night she kept following me into the kitchen (where I was trying to cook dinner and do the dishes) and kept demanding to pbe picked up and held. It melts my heart that she comes to me to make her feel better, to offer some degree of comfort. At the same time, it was hard because I had to keep sending her back to her daddy, because I was busy. I was able to spend quite a bit of time with her though, just chilling on the couch. And I really enjoyed it. I love cuddling my little girl and having her just lay with me and relax, especially when I know she feels like crud. <br /><br />Today she's spending the day with her daddy and will get some good cuddle time in with him. I'm hoping she gets better fast. But if not, we'll keep giving her Children's Motrin, getting her to drink as many fluids as possible and cuddling the heck out of her. You gotta use these opportunities while you still can, right?~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-54701553323887811012008-10-18T07:46:00.000-07:002008-10-18T08:55:03.151-07:00ER- Goodbye AbbyAs a follow-up to my previous "TV Junkie" blog, I wrote a blog as I watched this week's episode of ER- Abby Lockhart's final show. I'd forgotten that it was her last one until about 10 minutes before it started. I totally got bummed out, because she is my favorite! So as I watched the episode, I jotted down notes that I knew I'd want to blog about later. Forgive the random-ness. It's very stream-of-thought writing. Shall we begin:<br /><br />**********************************************************<br />I'm afraid I'm gonna sob through this entire episode.<br /><br />It's so sad to watch her admit it to Neela that she's leaving. I don't blame Neela for being upset she didn't know earlier! They're like best friends and have leaned on each other since med school, through all their tough and crazy times.<br /><br />"Am I being Punk'd?" HAHAHA! Favorite line of the night.<br /><br />I think Angela Bassett will be an interesting addition to the show. I watched her as the boss on Alias, and at first the characters seem similar. But there's been some hinting about more to her character. I hope so.<br /><br />I can't believe Abby is leaving! She's been my favorite character for such a long time. Even though she maddens me at times, I still love her. She's so very human. She definitely seems like a real person, not just a fictional character on a TV show.<br /><br />I don't quite get this whole depressing Bible reading. I don't know if it actually is verse or so from the Bible or just something made to sound like it. The episode is titled "The Book of Abby." But it's rather depressing. Appropriate for her character, but depressing.<br /><br />I actually like Archie Morris now. He was such a worthless tool when he first came on. But he's rather matured. I trust and like him now. I feel awful for him that Greg died. You can see how hard it's been on him.<br /><br />Ahhh, classic Abby, awkward and emotionally distant. Cracks me up as she tells Lucian she's leaving.<br /><br />I've always wondered if this show is actually shot in Chicago. I assume at least part of it is, but I wonder if all of it is. Clearly, I've never cared enough to look it up...<br /><br />Wow, she's been on 10 years? And what a 10 years it has been! Way to go Abby! Stand up for your bad self!<br /><br />Here's my consolation. Even if Abby is gone from ER, I'll still have her with me. Both in re-runs and in BECU commercials. I'm pretty sure Maura Tierney narrates them. I haven't confirmed it, but if it's not her, it's her voice-twin.<br /><br />*sigh* It's still so sad....<br /><br />I do wish she had dolled up a little more. She looks really pretty with blong highlights and a little makeup. But she only kept that style for a couple seasons.<br /><br />Preach it Abby! Way to back your girl! Love her chewing out the board. Hahaha. For some reason, I never felt like Abby and Sam had much of a relationship. They seemed to co-exist but not really interact that much.<br /><br />What a cool wall! I want a picture of it, with all the old locker name plates! I wonder who's been there the longest now. There are some nurses who've been there the whole time, but I can't think of a series regular. Maybe Archie? Weird... <br /><br />Awwww... Sweet. Abby and Frank dancing.<br /><br />Archie- I'm right there with you buddy, in your disbelief and sadness.<br /><br />At least she leave on a smile and a kiss from her big, hunky Croat. <br /><br />*wailing* Bwaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaa!!! Why did she have to go?!?!<br /><br />I love this show.<br />**********************************************************<br /><br />So there you go. My notes from Abby's final episode. Somethings I remembered later are that on that wall with all the old names, I saw a couple names that I didn't remember as characters, but I did recognize the name. It bugged me until I rememebered that Lydia Woodward was a producer or something on the show, so I would bet that's who the "L. Woodward" is. In fact, the other names (which someone wrote out on another site) are all former producers and a makeup artist. What a nice way to pay homage to them. I wish I could find that picture though...~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-78214247590296617682008-10-14T18:20:00.000-07:002008-10-15T16:58:44.084-07:00TV JunkieIt's true. I'm obsessed with TV. I watch it all the time. I have my own little schedule of what I was each day, I have a show for every hour. And I am grateful everyday that we have cable. I would go crazy without it, I think. It was especially useful when Jilly was a newborn and I was up half the night nursing her. <br /><br />My favorite shows to watch are: ER, Crossing Jordan, Gilmore Girls, CSI: Miami, Without A Trace, A Baby Story, House, Las Vegas, almost anything on E!, Project Runway, Tabatha's Salon Takeover, Nanny 911, Reba, Still Standing, Jeopardy, Friends, Scrubs, and The Simpsons. I can almost always find one of these shows on to watch. It's rather pathetic that I get so invested in them, but hey, I learn something from most of them, or just get pure amusement out of the others.<br /><br />I love Jon & Kate Plus 8, A Baby Story, and Nanny 911 because I learn about being a mother from them. They cover all sorts of different situations and I like seeing how other people handle things. <br /><br />Crossing Jordan, Without A Trace and Las Vegas are just fun with a healthy portion of crime/mystery solving. Fascinating characters too. House is the same but with medical mysteries. Plus, it's funny. :-)<br /><br />Friends, Reba, Scrubs, Still Standing and The Simpsons are just those fun, evening sitcoms that are always running in syndication and I've seen pretty much all the episodes of the first four, and a lot of the last one.<br /><br />CSI: Miami has got to be one of <strong>the best </strong>TV shows of our lives. First off, let me explain something very important to you. Contrary to popular belief, marketing campaigns, and network classification, CSI: Miami is NOT a drama. It is a one-hour comedy. In fact, the C does not stand for Crime, it stands for Comedy. This show is affectionately referred to as Comedy Scene Investigation in our house, or the shorter, Comedy Scene. Once you change your perspective to a comedic one, the show becomes amazing! How can you not love Horatio Caine and his sunglasses?! The beginning of the show is always our favorite, when you hear some quippy, possibly ironic or punnish phrase and then it cuts to the scream at the beginning of the theme song. Hilarious!! Calleigh is a sassy and fairly level-headed ballistics expert who is serious about her job, but still a fun girl. Eric Delko is the half Russian, half-Cuban ladies man (though most of the time the Russian thing is forgotten) who always is wearing a flowerly shirt and light pants. He rarely wears a suit. Ryan Wolfe (who we used to call Fake Greg, but now love WAY more) is the former patrol cop turned CSI turned TV reporter turned back CSI. He got shot in the eye with a nail gun, and still manages to look fly in his green shirt and tie with grey suits. ;-) Anyway, the characters actually are friends and work hard at their jobs but are fairly happy people, which means they're funnier. I think they actually care about their boss more and are more of a family. H is a way more charismatic leader than Grissom, he fights for each of his people and for all the victims. He never forgets a criminal, and eventually catches them all. As he said to Clavo Cruz, "In Miami, We. Never. Close." Awesome!<br /><br />Plus, it is a way prettier show to watch than either of the other two CSIs. They're all dark and gloomy, shot through that awful blue filter. Miami is shot through a yellow filter, resulting in what Entertainment Weekly called "glorious HD porn." (One of my most favorite-ist things ever from that magazine. ;-)) The people are prettier, the stories are glitzier and the locations are flashier. Ooh, and there are most explosions and shoot-outs. It can't get much better than that!<br /><br />This brings me to ER, perhaps my MOST FAVORITE SHOW <strong>EVER!!!</strong> I started watching ER when I was in middle school, with my mom. She and I both have a strong interest in all things medical (make sense why she's a nurse practioner and I wanted to be a doctor), so that sucked us in initially. But we stayed for the characters. Doug & Carol! Mark Greene! John Carter! Benton! Elizabeth Corday! Romano! Sam! Luka! ABBY! to name a few. I have favorite episodes of all of these characters. I feel like I know them, like they're family. Now that I watch all the episodes in syndication on TNT as an adult, I get to know them more each time. Hands down, Abby Lockhart is my favorite character EVER on the show. John Carter is next, with Luka right behind, then Mark and Elizabeth. The love stories are the best. All the medical stuff keeps me interested, but I really want to see how they all grow and change. Who gets married, has babies, who dies, who quits, who gets fired, etc. Right now on TNT, we are in the seaons where Carter is in the Congo and knocks up his girlfriend. In a few episodes, we will get to one of the saddest hours of television of all time. I sob every time I see it. So sad. I definitely have my favorite episodes of each season, or multiple episodes. In fact, I started watching the new episodes again on Thursday nights. Poor Steve totally get ditched on Thursday nights. He has to go to bed by himself and I spent a quality hour with John Stamos. ;-) <br /><br />Add to all this that we watch a healthy amount of ESPN, FSN, and The Soup. We watch a lot of TV. We'll probably change that at some point. For now, I am pretty happy being such a TV junkie. :-D~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-17566884156395163212008-10-11T11:14:00.000-07:002008-10-11T11:14:35.746-07:00A Change of MindI've been thinking about possbily going with a midwife and a birth center for my next baby. I had Jilly with a traditional OB/GYN and a medicated hospital birth. I was quite satisfied with my experience and didn't see why I would want to do it any other way. I have a friend who has very different philosophies on birth, and I heard a lot from her on them. For awhile I didn't think her ideas would work for me, and I would just stick with what I knew and liked. But then she took me to see The Business of Being Born, a documentary, at the Seattle Film Festival. I still held back for a little bit, but ultimately decided to investigate it.<br /><br />There are a few things that appealed to me with an unmedicated birth. There seems to be less pressure. Obviously, not necessarily less physical pressure, a baby still has to come out. ;-) But less emotional/mental pressure. Pressure to progress in a certain time frame. Pressure to conform to someone else's agenda or standards, as opposed to following your body's cues. Pressure to allow things to be done, interventions like IVs and medication and such. Having a more relaxed birth sounded really nice! I was also relieved to find out that outside of a hospital, you're not restricting from eating or drinking. Certain movements, which are impossible when confined to bed with an epidural, seemed very instinctual and natural. Really, the whole idea of being more present and participatory in the birth of my baby was very appealing. <br /><br />When I was pregnant with Jilly, I viewed the labor & delivery as something that would happen to me, rather than something I would be doing. That perspective made me place all my faith in my doctor and nursing staff. That also meant that all the decisions were up to them, and they would be doing all the work. I would just lay there and eventually a baby would come out. I obviously didn't have any problems with that philosophy, but I think it was coming from a place of fear, since I had never experienced birth before. Because I've been through it before now, I know better what to expect, not just the process of birth (and how messy it is) but the pain and rhythm of it as well.<br /><br />I would say that the most frustrating part of Jilly's labor was pushing. All the issues that I had converged in this one period of time. I had an epidural that worked so well, I couldn't feel anything below my waist. I could feel some pressure, right when she was crowning, but other that-nothing. I didn't know she had come out until my sister started crying. I had NO control over any muscles in my legs. I couldn't lift them at all. It made it really difficult to figure out how to push. I had no way to tell if I was doing it right or not, or how to adjust it, since I couldn't feel. I couldn't tell when I was having a contraction either! The IV was really frustrating for me, because it hurt in my hand. Everytime I had to move my hand, it hurt worse. Then the nurses wanted me to grab my leg, to push and I couldn't because the clenching hurt the worst. By the time I started pushing it was almost 2pm. I had been awake since about 2am, having only gotten 2-3 hours of sleep. I was so tired. I hadn't eaten dinner since the night before, so I was starving. I was so exhausted mentally and physically, that I couldn't even vocalize how I was feeling. I just wanted to a sandwich and a nap, but instead everyone was around me, telling me what to do. But I got through it and my sweet little girl was born. <br /><br />At the end of pushing, Jilly's heartrate decelerated because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and was being compressed as she came through the birth canal. It was taking a little while to get her past the pubic bone, and when her heartrate didn't go back up, the doctor got worried. She brought in a vacuum and assisted the delivery. Because Jilly came out in such a hurry, there was no time for me to stretch. I ended up with some quite painful tearing that I didn't recover from for a long time. As I learned about natural childbirth, I realized that I didn't necessarily have to repeat that experience. By using better positions to push from (standing, squatting, etc) and not having medication masking me ability to feel and use my muscles, I could give birth more effectively and possibly with less damage. Which means recovery should be much easier. That sounds fantastic! Especially when considering that then I would have two (or more) kids, not just one newborn. ;-)<br /><br />So overall, I realized that giving birth in a hospital with a traditional OB/GYN would make it very difficult to birth the way I want to. There would be pressure to get an IV, have my membranes artifically ruptured, to be given pitocin, and have to lay flat in bed for hours. The thought of having to either give in or continuously fight with hospital staff over it seemed like it would defeat the relaxed, peaceful birth I desire (an experience my friend had gone through and been traumatized because of.) But I was still very uncomfortable with a home birth. I was worried about not having immediate access to equipment and personnel, in the case of something bad happening. Also, I didn't really like the idea of being at home for the birth, strange as that sounds. I think I would feel very claustorphobic and then associate all that pain and discomfort with my home. Plus, birth is REALLY messy. I didn't want to even have to think about that mess being in my home, even if someone else took care of cleaning it! I needed a middle ground. I decided that a birth center, in close proximity to a hospital, with a mid-wife would be the route I wanted to take. I got online and started looking up places around this area and talking to friends who had given birth without intervention, trying to learn everything I could.<br /><br />There are fears I have about this, however. I do worry about not being in the hospital, mere yards from an OR if the need for a C-Section arose. I worry about my ability to handle the pain and whether I will get too exahusted to go all the way through. I know it worries both Steve and my mom, the two people I count on to keep me sane and get me through things like this, and I don't want to cause them more stress. I worry that I will have to get in the car and go home before I feel ready. (I stayed in the hospital for 2 days after Jilly was born. Most people go home from the birth center 4-6 hours after birth.) I worry that I won't feel comfortable enough. I worry that I'll get caught in the fear-tension-pain cycle and it will be miserable. And I flat out worry that something will go wrong and hurt the baby or me, and/or that I will end up with more pain and an overall negative experience.<br /><br />But as I explore this more and more, the more confident I feel. I am going to meet with a couple of midwives and ask them tons of questions. I want to not only assuage my own fears, but Steve's as well, so that we are both comfortable with this. I still reserve the right to change my mind and cry for the epidural! ;-) But I think this is something I can do, and more, something I want to do.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-2152993534229711122008-10-04T09:34:00.000-07:002008-10-04T12:58:04.909-07:00Work whiningsToday we're running into weather issues plus it's a Saturday, which means I am generally grumpy about work. Customers are driving me nuts and I have very little patience with them. And because I'm annoyed, I need a place to vent.<br /><br />I love it when customers try to lecture me on how my company works. It's hysterical. I've only worked here, at various stations and in multiple positions for 3 1/2 years. What do I know? It especially confuses and annoys me when customers question things that have been the <strong>exact same </strong>the entire time I've been here. <br /><br />I get really mad when people start getting mad at me about the weather. It's not like I purposely planned to mess with your vacation and caused this fog or wind just to screw with you! For heaven's sakes. It's not like I want you in my face any more than you want to be here. In fact, I'd probably rather you leave and get away from me more than you want to leave. I genuinely feel bad when people's plans get messed up, but for the last time: it's not my fault there is fog. I didn't do it! <br /><br />Why bother writing an email back to a company to complain about how long the confirmation email is, when printed? Seriously dudes! If you only need a certain part of it, then use those handy-dandy options in the print menu to select only one page to print. *Rolls eyes*<br /><br />And I'm sorry, but did I answer the phone saying, "Thank you for calling Aimee's travel agency" ? The answer is NO! This is an airline. We only book flights for <em>our</em> airline. Yes, we do have certain relationships with specific hotels and can book those for you, but we cannot and <strong>will not </strong>arrange your rental car, your connections in and out of Sea-Tac or call your daughter in Phoenix. So please don't ask me to, and really, don't get mad at me when I can't.<br /><br />Along those lines, please <em>please</em> <strong><em>please</em></strong> have your stuff together when you call. Chances are we have other customers waiting on hold, and when it takes you three minutes to hunt up your confirmation number or remember where you want to travel or get your passport out of the safe, it makes other people wait even longer and stresses me out. So show some courtesy and have yourself together before you call. <br /><br />*sigh* Sometimes I just get a little worn out with all the crap we get. It's true what my mom always said (much as I hate to admit it): You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Be calm, and dare I suggest it, flexible, and people will be much more willing to help you, even go above and beyond to do so. If you're rude and mean, then they'll want to get rid of you as fast as possible, either by telling you "Too bad, solve it yourself" or referring you to their mananger, who they've warned that you're a crazy mean old person, so they won't want to help you either. Just a suggestion. ;-)~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-44414805152830884262008-10-01T17:28:00.000-07:002008-10-01T17:53:35.106-07:00Not the shiningest of mornings...This morning I woke up GRUMPY. Jilly decided that 7:15am was the perfect time to wake up, I disagreed. I tried to bribe her with a sippy cup to give me another hour, and she cried. I let her come lay in my bed, she cried. I threw a pillow at her, she cried. After 30 minutes of fighting it, I gave in, but was rather a bad sport about it. I growled at her and told her to get herself off the bed, while I went to the bathroom. She did so, crying. I think I freaked her out with how upset I was. I'm not usually like that, and almost NEVER in the morning (at least not out loud). Anyway, I then decided that for her safety and my sanity, I would take a shower before making any rash decisions on corporal punishment for a toddler. She got parked on the couch with cereal, a sippy cup and cartoons. She rather enjoyed it. I got my shower, mellowed and decided to take advantage of her fixation on TV and finish the blog about New Mexico. <br /><br />Awhile later, she got bored with TV and wanted to see what I was up to. She wandered into her room (where the computer was) and mostly amused herself for awhile. I had to keep fighting her to close the desk drawers, but other than that it went okay. Before I knew it, a couple hours had gone by and the room had quite a foul odor. Oops... I was so lost in the blogging world, I spaced out on my baby's basic needs! Dang, I feel like a loser on that one. It got worse. Her pjs were soaked and as I changed her, I found her legs were quite moist, all the way down to her feet. Oh man, I'm a bad mom! Luckily, my child loves baths. So I ran a bubble bath for her, and she happily played in there for another 30 minutes (don't worry I kept a close eye on her). <br /><br />I ended up spending most of the morning on the computer rather than playing with her. I feel kinda bad about it, but at the same time, I got a lot of stuff done! I figure one day won't kill her. Plus she doesn't seem to have harbored any resentment about it. She was overjoyed with her lunch of chicken nuggets and was quite sweet as I laid her down for a nap. So all's well that ends well, I guess.~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3836889028949562424.post-11695215768600714552008-10-01T17:24:00.000-07:002008-10-01T17:28:22.138-07:00Seriously?Some people may wonder why I feel the need to have my own personal blog. Because I can, I say. ;-) No, really, it's just that I have things I want to blog about, but it doesn't seem appropriate to do so on our family blog. Then Steve started his own blog, so I copied him.<br /><br />My intention with this blog is to use it as an outlet. It's a place where I can post about whatever I want, positive or negative, funny or stupid (or both!), some of my failings and my triumphs as a mama, as a wife and as a woman.<br /><br />I feel like I live my life in a blog. I experience certain things and started writing blogs in my head. Unfortunately few of them make it onto the computer, but I'm hoping to change that. Lofty aspirations, I know. But here we go!~Aimee~http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026141298899069357noreply@blogger.com0